Post by jason on Oct 6, 2011 1:43:07 GMT
JASON CARVER KEALOHA !?
hey there! so, tell us all about you... let's start off with the basics. what do we need to know?
"Eerr -clears throat- hi? So you're interviewing me? -scratches neck- I don't know why, but okay. So my name is Jason Carver Kealoha and the only nickname I have is Jas I guess, but no one calls me that. I prefer Jason really. Well...I guess I have other rather rude nicknames that I don't like to talk about. They bring back...bad memories. I'm in my twenties, but I don't remember the exact number. I stopped bothering after I died. Yes, I'm dead and I'm guessing that how I died will come up later in this interview. Thankfully I look to be about 19. Well I hope I do. I'm definitely light because well I'm a guardian angel. I have to like humans and I do actually. I was one not too long ago...sexuality? I'm..uh...I..uh well I like guys. I don't like girls like that and I'm sure. Can we move on?"
so, a little birdy told me that you're pretty gorgeous... describe yourself.
"M-me? Gorgeous? Not really. I'm pretty average. I mean I guess my hair is kind of cool or at least Calan says it is. But that kid likes everything. It's just brunette though and kind of does whatever it wants. It's kind of annoying sometimes, but I tend to only put maybe five minutes into it. My eyes are the same...well the brown part...not the eh- whatever. I don't really know how to classify my eyes...they're roundish I guess. Calan and Henry always tell me that I look like Boo Boo Stewart, but I don't know who he is exactly. He's in that Twilight movie right? Oh he is? Well I guess that's my celebrity look-a-like. I'm kind of short for a guy standing 5'8" and I don't really know what I weigh. It's hard to tell whether I'm skinny or not, but I'm muscly a bit, but not exactly fatty. So I guess it's just...I...I don't know. I'm just me. I have scars on my wrists from...from...uh...injuries. I've never gotten a tattoo and I don't really want you. I don't really have a style though. I just wear whatever I get and just work with it. I like converse though...if that helps I guess..."
i'm sure that your personality is something else completely, tell me all about your self, can't wait to hear it!
" My personality? Well first off don't think that just because I'm gay that I love show tunes and that I am extremely fashion forward. Not that their is anything wrong with those types of guys, but I'm not one of them. Me liking guys is just my sexuality. Okay now that that is set straight we can continue. I have a deep love for the movie Up after Calan made me watch it. I love Calan and Henry as well. I have a fear of lightning and thunder from my child years. I love the smell after it's just rained and the sound of rain. I love being an angel and how free I feel. Like nothing can ever hold me back again. I hate math a lot. I do love the ocean though and Hawaii. I want to be an marine biologist one day. I don't know if that'll ever happen though with me being immortal and already having the job of watching over Calan. He's such a handful. I hate judgemental people and homophobes. I don't like the feeling of a hangover or the smell of cigarettes. I have a secret obsession with tropical fish and I have my own fish tank. I hate getting hurt or pain. Calan tells me that I always fall and hurt myself though. I tend to run my hands through my hair when I'm bored or feel nervous. I bit my lip a lot and I blush easily. I love to fly and to swim. Soccer is my favorite sport along with surfing. I haven't done the latter in awhile though. My greatest desire is to be the best angel possible. I tend to doubt myself though and to get depressed easily. I'm great at being a pessimist when it comes to myself, but when it comes to others I'm very much optimistic. Henry always says that I'm really sarcastic when I'm annoyed, but I think he's lying....maybe? Okay I am sarcastic. Oh did I mention my love of frozen yogurt? Can't get enough of the stuff. Especially vanilla. Oh...a secret? Okay just...just don't tell ANYONE! I'm in love with my best friend, Henry. And he took my virginity, but he doesn't remember. He was drunk...I'll explain more later. I just don't want to fall from grace though...it's all I have."
i would love to hear about your past, i'm sure it's oh so interesting...
"Eh...it's not that interesting...Well I guess it is for some people. So I was born to Olive and Jeremy Kealoha in Hawaii where I lived most of my life. I didn't have any siblings, but I was never really lonely. I always hanged out with my neighbors. I loved Hawaii with it's beaches, the tourists, the culture, the land, and the people. It all was amazing. I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. I think I loved the tourists the most. There was always someone new to meet and become friends with. I think that they were the ones that changed my life the most. They always gave me so many adventures. I always hated when they left though. But when you're somewhere like Hawaii where tourists come and go like the waves you get used to it. Just learn to how to say goodbye.
My childhood was pretty uneventful and I was just a normal boy. I thought girl's had cooties and that school was stupid. I got in fights with friends and had fights with my parents. I got bad grades sometimes, while others I aced. Things didn't get complicated until I was about twelve. I started realizing that my guys friends started liking girls and wanting to date them. I didn't exactly have the same feeling. I started to get worried, but then i just told myself that I hadn't met the right girl yet or that I just hadn't received feelings for another girl yet. I told myself to wait and that it would happen. So I didn't worry and I watched my friend date the girls they liked. Some got serious with them while others broke up. I still didn't have those feelings, but I kept telling myself to just wait. I realized those feelings would never come when I was about fourteen. I started liking someone. You'd think I would be relieved, but I wasn't. Because I was falling for my friend. His name was Derek. We were pretty close and I don't know. One day we went surfing and I just found myself getting nervous and getting this weird feeling every time he brushed into me. I thought that I was just being weird and tried to forget it. I couldn't though. My feelings just grew. I didn't know what was going on! Derek was a guy! I couldn't be in love with a guy! That'd be weird! But I was falling for him and I tried to make myself feel better by saying that maybe I was just bi. I wasn't gay. I couldn't be gay I told myself over and over and over again.
I just kept trying to forget Derek and to still be his friend. I tried looking for girls that I could like. But none of them gave me the same feeling like Derek did. Then when I was fifteen a girl from my school asked me out. Her name was Emily. She was pretty don't get me wrong with her green eyes and blonde silky hair. Her skin was tanned and she looked nice. But whenever we would brush into each other or kiss I felt nothing. I felt weird. It felt like I was kissing my mom as weird as that might sound. It was meaningless. I had to admit it. I was gay. I wasn't bi, I was gay. When I came to the realization I was between furious and relieved. I was angry that I was gay meaning I would never have a normal life, but I was relieved because finally I had an answer. I thought that admitting it would solve anything. I was wrong.
I continued to date Emily even though I knew it was wrong. I just needed a cover I guess until I really figured out things and Emily just seemed to like me a lot. I never meant to hurt the girl. She had become a really good friend to me, but to me she wasn't really my girlfriend. I think Emily could tell something was wrong, but she definitely took it the wrong way. Poor girl thought I wanted more from our relationship and so desperate to keep me so was willing to give her body to him. One night we were hanging out in my room as we did a lot just listening to music and laughing. My parents never cared that Emily was in my room because they trusted me and they knew I knew the punishment I would get if I did such a thing. I don't really know what happened. One moment I was singing along to the song as me and Emily always did then suddenly she started kissing me with such passion. I knew I couldn't return it, but I tried to fake it. Then she pushed me unto the bed and starting taking off my shirt then hers. Scared and not wanting to do what she wanted to do I blurted out, "I'm gay." She instantly stopped and looked at me scared. She didn't want to believe me I could see that and asked me if I was kidding. I knew that the damage was done and that if i retracted the comment she'd only continue. So I told her everything. I told her about Derek, the weird feelings, and I how I was shamelessly using her as a cover. Instantly she busted into tears and put her shirt back on. The poor girl was obviously humiliated and overcome with misery that the guy she had admired from afar since she was 13 was losing her as a cover. She rushed out of the house and I quickly redressed myself before my parents came in asking what happened. I brushed them off with a simple "Nothing." and they just rolled their eyes and walked out of my room. I thought my troubles were over then, but they had just begun.
It seems that Emily told her friends trying to have them help her, which I understand. I don't blame her for what happened next, but I just wished her friends would have been better at keeping secrets. They spread the news that I was gay probably trying to make their distraught friend happy by seeing everyone find out I was gay. They even told Derek that I was in love with him. He didn't exactly react the way I had hoped he had. He rejected me in the worst way possible. By screaming at me to leave him alone in a crowd hallway with everyone watching snickering over my embarrassment and distress. Some of my friends stuck by me, while others left me in an instant, but as the stupid popular guys started to jeer and torture me they left too. I don't blame them...I can't say I wouldn't have left either. The guys were cruel and found it funny to see my pain in their insults. My friends that had stuck around were made fun of too and often asked it they were gay too. They had it just as worse and if I had had a choice I would have wanted to stop it too. So I don't blame them. I ended up alone in everything. Unless a teacher forced them I was worked alone in projects and sat alone during lunch and sat on the bus alone. It was like I was a disease and no one wanted to be near me. My parents found out too. They seemed like they didn't know what to say to me. We usually didn't talk much and if we did it was awkward. I had never felt so alone before and I hated myself. I remember the first time I cut myself. I had failed a math test, got bullied again, and had notes shoved into my locker by multiple people with the letters f, a, and g on them. I would say the world, but I can't bring myself to it. You'll never hear those words from my lips. I don't know why, but cutting myself just made things seem a little less worse. Like I could give myself justice somehow and that I was controlling something in my life. It felt...good? I continued to do it and I made sure my parents never noticed. I didn't want to see the look of disappointment on their faces. The bullying only got worse as they saw that it affected me. They started getting violent. They would shove me into lockers or punch me in the gut for just sitting next to their girlfriend or even their guy friend. I didn't understand how someone could be so cruel to someone else for doing nothing to them, but I just tempted harming myself. My grades went down and the disappointed looks on the face of my parents made things worse. I had no one. I wondered why it was even worth it. Not getting accepted to any of the colleges I wanted was the last straw. I killed myself. I took a knife and stabbed myself. The don't remember much after that, but I just remember the feeling of regret I had right after I did it. It was too late though. I had died.
When I woke up I was in heaven. I was renewed. I felt free from everything and I loved my wings. I was relieved to learn that God actually didn't hate gay people. He loved them just the same. It felt good to be loved and to know that you were wanted. I had never felt happier. I was assigned to an older angel to learn the ropes from and the older angel even let me watch my own funeral. I saw everyone from my school there. Even the guys that had made fun of me were there. I didn't know whether to be angry at that or to be happy that they actually cared enough to come. I didn't know which was sadder though. My parents crying their eyes out or Emily crying even harder. I felt bad for the girl. She had felt guilty for my death. Like it was her fault. To make her feel better though I wrote her a letter. I left it on her bed and when she read it I suspected her to start crying and screaming in horror. Instead she just wiped her eyes and smiled up at the sky. I miss Emily's friendship, she was a good person.
So let's skip ahead to when I was assigned to Calan eh? All the in between stuff is not too interesting. Now Calan is a firetamer you see and I know it's weird, but he's my charge. God made a special exception for Calan who really needed someone to look after him. Someone that had gone through what he had gone through. Someone like me. Calan was gay, in love with an older man, had medical problems, and was seriously depressed. I seemed like the perfect person for the job. I didn't question the order, rather I jumped on it. This was just what I needed. I had to make sure Calan didn't turn out like I did. So I befriended Calan, but never for a minute was the friendship fake. I love Calan like a brother and I wasn't his friend because he was my charge. I was his friend because I wanted to be. I was happy to see that Calan had someone to help him too. His name was Henry. As soon as I met him a got that weird feeling again. I brushed it off though and tried not to pay attention to it. I did well for awhile and we'll get to what changed me soon. Henry didn't really like me at first. I think he thought that Calan would like me better or something. Soon we all became friends. Calan and Henry became the most important things to me. They were my best friends. They were everything. I loved helping Calan and getting himself comfortable with his feelings. I was invisible during his visits to the doctor always holding his hand when he was scared or he was about to experience pain. I was his rock while Shay was away. Of course I already knew about the older man and wouldn't tell a soul, but Calan told me about it himself and I made an oath to never tell. And that is how it was staying.
Everything was good until things got complicated again. Henry was drunk again, but this time Calan wasn't home. I think he was on vacation or something. Anyway Henry stumbled into my house and I of course let him in. All of the sudden he kissed me full on the mouth and I didn't know what was happening. The feeling my stomach grew and grew as he kissed me. He was forceful, but I...I liked it....a lot. I kissed him back instinctively and felt something. Their was something and I liked it. I kissed him so much I didn't know that someone could kiss that much. Henry gave me a lot of experience that I had never received. I still remember the feeling of his lips on my neck and my lips. -blushes a bit- I was falling for him right then and there. Before I knew it Henry was unbuttoning my shirt and kissing down. I thought it would end their, but then he found the bedroom and managed to led me there his lips never leaving mine. He pushed me on the bed and I did everything he wanted me to. I was his slave. -blushes more- I'm guessing you can guess what happened after that. Yes, Henry took my virginity and I don't regret it at all. I loved my night with him, but I just wish he could remember. When I woke up he was gone, but I didn't worry about it. When we all hanged out I tried to act coupley, but Henry just laughed at me and said i was being weird. Then it hit me. He didn't remember. He didn't remember a thing. So I just laughed with him and decided to never tell him. Like it had never happened. But the damage was done. I was in love with him.
Wow...that was long. Well after that not much happened. Everything stayed the same and Henry is still oblivious. Calan has Shay and I'm really happy for him. I just wish I had Henry. Well that's my story thanks for listening."
who is the amazing mastermind behind the likes of you?
"I SWEAR THIS IS MY LAST ONE! holly"imp.
