Post by milo on Mar 2, 2013 7:01:14 GMT
So don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose
If given the choice, then, I'm begging you, choose
To walk away, walk away, don't let her get you.
MILO AARON KNOX
milo. seventeen. male. pansexual. human. neutral. Yurk pleskun. jinx.
If given the choice, then, I'm begging you, choose
To walk away, walk away, don't let her get you.
MILO AARON KNOX
milo. seventeen. male. pansexual. human. neutral. Yurk pleskun. jinx.
Menthols make him sick to his stomach, but he carries around a pack in his left breast pocket, and he always makes sure to replace It every Tuesday morning.
Because he learned three months in that her rule about only smoking, “one pack a week, mmmhmm!” was a total lie she was telling herself. She just couldn't remember to buy another pack when her last one had run out and on the days in between when her fingers were quick and she stole his she always pouted at them as the smoke curled around. Mumbling something about menthols and glaring at the cigarette between her fingers like it'd done her a personal offense by not being menthol. He only likes them when he's been drinking, and never finished the packs on his own, all his pockets filled with the crushed remains of tobacco and mint leaves. All his jackets have the lingering smell of mint and smoke.
It’s been a year.
All his books are stashed away under his bed, on the left hand side, right beneath where his head lays when he falls asleep, and where his hand drags when he drops the book to fall asleep. There's only five books in the pile under his pillow, but the order they lay in is always changing, and their pages are all covered with ink they weren't printed with.
She's stretched across the couch, head leaning on the arm rest hair pouring down the side book held up with her hands a pen tauntingly between her lips. “What do you think about this?” she's put brackets around a passage in a book he's never read. He reads it quickly and when he's done he can't find the words to fathom the things he needs to speak, she laughs at the face he makes and bites the inside of her cheek, shoves a pen in his hand and orders him to write his thoughts as he goes along next time. The next book she shoves into his hands is covered with notes already made in the margins in her tiny scribbly handwriting, they write notes to each other for a year in the book, eventually stretchering them out to post it notes sticking out between the pages. He keeps up the habit.
It was his fault.
He’s got a collection of novelty bandages tucked into the back of his closet, that he considers a privilege to use. He’s got everything from Spiderman to Disney Princesses, Spongebob and Dora, to generic bandages. He’s proud of his collection.
It was an elbow that collided with his nose, but it might as well have been a jackhammer, his whole head is pounding, and the room won’t stop spinning. There’s a glass of water being pressed into his hand, and he’s greedy as he swallows, before sleeping again. When he looks in the mirror the bat signal has been drawn across the plain flesh colored bandage that's attempting to hide the damage. He can't help but smile.
She’s the light of his life.
There's a green Tinkerbell mug in his cupboard, with a crack down it's side, that still manages to ooze glitter all over the cupboard. He pulls it out every Thursday morning and pours coffee into it.
There's a smile on her face that makes the sun look dull in comparison, both hands tenderly clutching the cup like she's scared she's going to drop it, yet she won't stop bouncing in place while she holds it. Her bands are all fringed in her face and for once she's blond enough she could almost pass for the girl on the cup. Both of her hand finally find him in a hug but she's still in motion.
Her eyes are barely open, and she refuses to speak as she pulls the cup tight to her chest and smells the coffee like it's going to breathe life into her. “Thanks,” she says in a soft sight, and he can't help but love her, tucking part of her hair behind her ear and away from her lip so it doesn't get coffee on it. It's Thursday morning again, and she spent the night with his brother.
Safetypins always wind up getting him into trouble, no matter how hard they clean, there are always some stashed away in his room, in some hiding place he's forgotten about until their found.
His eyes watched as the smoke curled up from the now scorched metal, curling towards the ceiling, a brief thought flickering threw his mind about smoke alarms. Before the clicking sound of her rings pressing against the lighter still clutched in her shaking palm brought his eyes back, this shouldn’t hurt, was said just above a whisper.
He loved her till the day she died.
The Joker makes him think of love.
Their all on the floor in front of the tv, it's closer to dawn then it is the evening. There's more popcorn on the floor then in any of their stomachs, and she's adding to the mess by throwing it at the tv, yelling like they'll hear her. “Harly loves him! No matter what he does! She loves him!” and she's falling back into the couch and leaning into him. A moment later she gives him a wink, as her hands steal the popcorn from his lap, he represses a laugh by rolling his eyes.
He never whispered the truth to her.
He only drives with the radio off, and keeps his car silent.
It’s later than any of them planned to be out, the car is crammed with his brother driving and she’s in the passenger seat. She’s gotten them lost again, which is some sort of huge cosmic joke, since it’s the one time she bothered to look up directions. She’s stressed and she’s tired, and they all can feel the time drag on, he tells her jokes and tries to make her smile instead of allowing it all to settle in on his skin. She brushes him off, till he tells her to put a new cd in. They’re all digging around for it when the other car hits.
They’ve both been dead for a year, and it’s all his fault, for a stupid cd.
He follows random people in crowds, any bright tuff of hair.
He’s sitting on the toilet, cigarette in a hand, and she’s giggling, because it’s finally happening and here’s the day, Her hair is finally going to be blue. He’s known her since he was nine and she’s been every color but blue, they’re going to fix that today. It’s nothing to him, but more time to spend, as she sits in the bathtub, guitar in hand strumming the chords and humming some tune he can’t follow, before she hands it over in trade for a smoke. She makes a grossed out face as she swallows a drag, and he rolls his eyes before playing for her. It only lasts for so long before the smell gets to him, and his eyes start to burn, he hates how the room smells like copper and bleach and nothing like her. She’s smiling at him, and she’s singing some song and she’s telling him about secrets and dreams, and she’s stringing him along.
Sometimes he still sees her.
He dreams about running away, but she keeps him here.
His mind just can’t let go.
rp sample
An old Matt and Kellin post;
Matthew figured out he was gay the first time a girl ever kissed him, he'd been twelve years old and a girl had shoved him against a wall after school and planted one on him. He'd been too shocked, and embarrassed to even go near her for weeks afterwords, he couldn't even look at the back of head without blushing until she'd ended up, dating, or whatever passed for dating at twelve another boy. After that he'd figured he'd die old and alone with a million cats. After all people might be able to deal with lack of talking, but gay he doubted anyone could ever see past both flaws. He'd never given himself hope that someone might like him, or even show interest in him, he guessed that still remained true since he was the one who showed interest in Kellin. Matthew was the one who'd kissed Kellin first, but there was hope that'd been born inside of Matthew when him and Kellin grew into something more than friends. After that, he didn't care about ever having anyone else, about dying alone, because he had Kellin.
If Matthew had it his way, he didn't know if he'd ever have lost his virginity. He wasn't typically big on being overly sexual, or putting himself out there for the world to see. He thought sex was something that should be private between two people. Matthew's bowed his head as Kellin moved closer, he clenched his fist to remove trying to shake the jittery feeling he got when Kellin whispered in his ear. That was just from the sensation of warmth that radiated off of Kellin, and the light touch of Kellin's breath on his skin. Matthew bit his lip harder, blushing as he heard Kellin's words. He wanted to grab onto Kellin and hold him, make him prove his words, but also to be embarrassed that they were talking about this in public, but that was part of what he loved about this, talking about it in public, holding each other and kissing each other. "Kellin," he whimpered back in his boyfriends ear, his hands holding onto Kellin tighter as he let out a small growl. He wasn't sure how to take it be embarrassed or happy that he got these kinds of reactions out of Kellin, but he opted for the later and growled in Kellin's ear. Anytime you want it. I'm right here he smiled as he spoke, But keep me waiting and I'll take what's mine he leaned in and nipped at Kellin's ear
Matthew knew his love for Kellin was stupid, childish even perhaps, but he couldn't help it. The heart wants what the heart wants, and his heart only ever wanted Kellin. Only wanted to be special to the other boy, like Kellin was for him. He wanted to mean something to Kellin, and he thought maybe he did since Kellin always came back to him, maybe he was just a safe fuck, but maybe it was more of that he let himself think foolishly. He swallowed and instead chose not to think about that, how one sided he feared his relationship was, that he feared he was being used and played, instead he felt himself relaxing in the comfort of Kellin's familiar touch. His eyes grew wide, as he thought of some of things Kellin was talking about, another blush this one the strongest of them all covered his face within seconds, it made him want to grab his jacket and pull it up to cover his face so he could hide in a hole but Kellin would chase him into a hole so he didn't he stood his ground with his blush and just nodded his head.
Matthew smiled at Kellin, rolling his eyes at the other male. Yes he was melted totally by his mouth, it didn't matter if it was kissing him, talking, or teasing some sort of food in a manor of teasing Matthew. He loved Kellin's mouth though the scholarly part of his brain told him he shouldn't, he just sighed, and nudged Kellin's neck with his lips kissing him once quickly. I love anything that happens when you move your lips. he whispered truthfully, but there was a hint of something there when he said the words, something that should have made him blush but didn't. He rolled his eyes at Kellin's comment, it was the truth of course without him, Matthew would be eternally locked away in his room, why come out in the world when he had netflix and the internet, anyone who wanted to see him, like Beau, came around eventually. The only person he found himself willing to leave the comfort of his darkness for was Kellin, but Kellin was always outside of his comfort zone. I don't need any light. You bring me all the light I need with your hair. Matthew ran a hand threw Kellin's hair for an added point, the blonde was so different from his black. It was meant to be something just said, not so personal but it was and he knew it. Kellin was his light, everything he needed from the outside world to show him the beauty and color in the world came from Kellin. Matthew clung tighter to Kellin at the realization of the thought. He wanted to bite down and punish Kellin for making him think about the incident in the park again in public but he let it go, digging his nails into Kellin's hips again. That was entirely you're doing. still the slow burn of a blush beat against his cheeks as he pressed his face into Kellin's back. He didn't regret it, in fact it'd been more fun than he'd expected it to but still he couldn't walk past the park without thinking about it these days.
Matthew hmmed against the kiss, happy to have Kellin show him some affection that he craved so much. He knew the boy didn't really care about Matthews aversion to being in public and outside, but he felt like he should have been awarded something for actually coming here. The kiss was that reward for him, he looked at the rides and thought about the mechanics of that and shook his head, they'd best not try anything.Fine, later. Matthew pouted for show. He didn't care if they were having sex honestly, or talking about sex, or anything he didn't care so long as Kellin didn't leave him. Their hands together felt so nice, he sighed contently looking at Kellin, just happy he was here. Matthew looked at Kellin, it felt odd to have him ask about his life, like he might have something to tell Kellin that was actually interesting. He bit his lip and tried to think of something, anything really to say, he shrugged his shoulders. Every thing's the same old, same old, boring, and filled with hours of missing you. But Beau came by the other day, Matthew said the other boys name with a smile, something about him felt happy when he thought about the other boy. He finally had a friend, a best friend even and that felt so good to say. He smiled perking up at the thought of his friend. I'm gonna teach him to play videogames sometime...you should come over...meet him Matthew wasn't sure how the two of them would get along but he loved them both that meant it had to go okay didn't it? He shook off any bad feelings, and looked at Kellin. What about you? Make any girls fall madly in love with you since I was gone?" he asked, half heartedly teasing him about the girls he fucked hoping to god none had, and none were trying to steal his Kellin. He didn't think he could face competition and win.
Matthew figured out he was gay the first time a girl ever kissed him, he'd been twelve years old and a girl had shoved him against a wall after school and planted one on him. He'd been too shocked, and embarrassed to even go near her for weeks afterwords, he couldn't even look at the back of head without blushing until she'd ended up, dating, or whatever passed for dating at twelve another boy. After that he'd figured he'd die old and alone with a million cats. After all people might be able to deal with lack of talking, but gay he doubted anyone could ever see past both flaws. He'd never given himself hope that someone might like him, or even show interest in him, he guessed that still remained true since he was the one who showed interest in Kellin. Matthew was the one who'd kissed Kellin first, but there was hope that'd been born inside of Matthew when him and Kellin grew into something more than friends. After that, he didn't care about ever having anyone else, about dying alone, because he had Kellin.
If Matthew had it his way, he didn't know if he'd ever have lost his virginity. He wasn't typically big on being overly sexual, or putting himself out there for the world to see. He thought sex was something that should be private between two people. Matthew's bowed his head as Kellin moved closer, he clenched his fist to remove trying to shake the jittery feeling he got when Kellin whispered in his ear. That was just from the sensation of warmth that radiated off of Kellin, and the light touch of Kellin's breath on his skin. Matthew bit his lip harder, blushing as he heard Kellin's words. He wanted to grab onto Kellin and hold him, make him prove his words, but also to be embarrassed that they were talking about this in public, but that was part of what he loved about this, talking about it in public, holding each other and kissing each other. "Kellin," he whimpered back in his boyfriends ear, his hands holding onto Kellin tighter as he let out a small growl. He wasn't sure how to take it be embarrassed or happy that he got these kinds of reactions out of Kellin, but he opted for the later and growled in Kellin's ear. Anytime you want it. I'm right here he smiled as he spoke, But keep me waiting and I'll take what's mine he leaned in and nipped at Kellin's ear
Matthew knew his love for Kellin was stupid, childish even perhaps, but he couldn't help it. The heart wants what the heart wants, and his heart only ever wanted Kellin. Only wanted to be special to the other boy, like Kellin was for him. He wanted to mean something to Kellin, and he thought maybe he did since Kellin always came back to him, maybe he was just a safe fuck, but maybe it was more of that he let himself think foolishly. He swallowed and instead chose not to think about that, how one sided he feared his relationship was, that he feared he was being used and played, instead he felt himself relaxing in the comfort of Kellin's familiar touch. His eyes grew wide, as he thought of some of things Kellin was talking about, another blush this one the strongest of them all covered his face within seconds, it made him want to grab his jacket and pull it up to cover his face so he could hide in a hole but Kellin would chase him into a hole so he didn't he stood his ground with his blush and just nodded his head.
Matthew smiled at Kellin, rolling his eyes at the other male. Yes he was melted totally by his mouth, it didn't matter if it was kissing him, talking, or teasing some sort of food in a manor of teasing Matthew. He loved Kellin's mouth though the scholarly part of his brain told him he shouldn't, he just sighed, and nudged Kellin's neck with his lips kissing him once quickly. I love anything that happens when you move your lips. he whispered truthfully, but there was a hint of something there when he said the words, something that should have made him blush but didn't. He rolled his eyes at Kellin's comment, it was the truth of course without him, Matthew would be eternally locked away in his room, why come out in the world when he had netflix and the internet, anyone who wanted to see him, like Beau, came around eventually. The only person he found himself willing to leave the comfort of his darkness for was Kellin, but Kellin was always outside of his comfort zone. I don't need any light. You bring me all the light I need with your hair. Matthew ran a hand threw Kellin's hair for an added point, the blonde was so different from his black. It was meant to be something just said, not so personal but it was and he knew it. Kellin was his light, everything he needed from the outside world to show him the beauty and color in the world came from Kellin. Matthew clung tighter to Kellin at the realization of the thought. He wanted to bite down and punish Kellin for making him think about the incident in the park again in public but he let it go, digging his nails into Kellin's hips again. That was entirely you're doing. still the slow burn of a blush beat against his cheeks as he pressed his face into Kellin's back. He didn't regret it, in fact it'd been more fun than he'd expected it to but still he couldn't walk past the park without thinking about it these days.
Matthew hmmed against the kiss, happy to have Kellin show him some affection that he craved so much. He knew the boy didn't really care about Matthews aversion to being in public and outside, but he felt like he should have been awarded something for actually coming here. The kiss was that reward for him, he looked at the rides and thought about the mechanics of that and shook his head, they'd best not try anything.Fine, later. Matthew pouted for show. He didn't care if they were having sex honestly, or talking about sex, or anything he didn't care so long as Kellin didn't leave him. Their hands together felt so nice, he sighed contently looking at Kellin, just happy he was here. Matthew looked at Kellin, it felt odd to have him ask about his life, like he might have something to tell Kellin that was actually interesting. He bit his lip and tried to think of something, anything really to say, he shrugged his shoulders. Every thing's the same old, same old, boring, and filled with hours of missing you. But Beau came by the other day, Matthew said the other boys name with a smile, something about him felt happy when he thought about the other boy. He finally had a friend, a best friend even and that felt so good to say. He smiled perking up at the thought of his friend. I'm gonna teach him to play videogames sometime...you should come over...meet him Matthew wasn't sure how the two of them would get along but he loved them both that meant it had to go okay didn't it? He shook off any bad feelings, and looked at Kellin. What about you? Make any girls fall madly in love with you since I was gone?" he asked, half heartedly teasing him about the girls he fucked hoping to god none had, and none were trying to steal his Kellin. He didn't think he could face competition and win.
app template by kel <3
