little lion man [ruben]

[ANNETTE DORYCE MASON]

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rate yourself and rake yourself, take all the courage you have left

This should have just felt as any other check-up she had been to over the past couple of months. Usually alone, sometimes with a friend, but nevertheless, she had been through several of these, so nothing should feel new about it. And yet, as she woke up and knew that she had a check up today, Annette felt awkwardly nervous, more nervous than ever. Maybe not more than her very first check-up, but hey she should be used to it by now. And sure, she could be worried about the well-being of her baby, if anything had changed, or the fact that she'd get to know the gender today, but apart from that, nothing to be nervous about. These hospital visits were just very annoying and boring usually, apart from when she got to see her child. It was then that her heart actually took a surge, despite herself. Because Annette knew she should not get attached to this baby, because she wasn't gonna keep it. Her friendship with Ruben was so important to her, and despite how close they were, they'd never be a family, because they just did not feel that way for each other, and they were not ready for a big responsibility like this. Especially Rue wasn't, and this was their decision together. They were not going to keep it. Him, her, whatever gender it would be. It was the smartest decision for both of them.

Ruben.

Maybe that was the reason why she was so extra nervous today. This was actually the first check-up her friend was going with her, After she had told him, Ruben had told her he needed some space, that he needed to digest all of this and process it. And Annette had given him that space he needed so much, because maybe she needed it too. But at the same time it had made her feel incredibly alone as she faced the mercilessness of the hunters, Westley not wanting to talk to her anymore, how they all loathed her and thought she was a traitor and despicable for what she had done, for not wanting to abort the monster she had inside of her. And Annette had swallowed it all, had forced herself to focus on other stuff, like killing Nikita, or her friends that did support her. Kingsley, Jude, Damon even, her lovely big furry friend. Her big best friend wtih his bearhugs and his soothing words even if he was horrible with trying to comfort people, for Annette it really didn't count. Just his presence was enough to calm her down, to keep her stable. But still she had felt lonely. Because the person she had needed the most, was Ruben. Rue, who went through the same stuff as she did, whose life was even in more danger than it normally already was with hunters on the prowl that were now after him for knocking up one of their people, and it was all her fault.

she had wanted to be close to him so badly, and just cuddle him like they used to, playfully pretending to be each other's boyfriend and girlfriend, because they both knew that was never going to happen because they didn't want it to happen. the blonde just needed him to be there, to tell her he still loved her in his friendship-way, that this wasn't going to change anything about the way he cared about her, that their friendship hadn't changed, even though she knew it had. letting out a sigh, annette brushed a hand through her hair, standing in front of her closet to figure out what the fuck to wear today. Maternity clothes were hardly ever flattering and if there's one thing the blonde didn't want, it was look like some secondhand hippy mom, because it wasn't who she was. She always looked good and even if she had a bit of a boho look most of the time, that didn't mean she looked like a hobo. Finally the girl decided on a long, white 'mama' tank top and a blue maxi-skirt that was fairly high waist, till under her chest, in a failed attempt to conceal the obvious bump that was showing there. Annette had been a tiny, skinny woman, so she was one of those girls who swelled up like a house. Plus, she ate a lot more these days. anyways, she placed a straw hat on her blonde locks, gliding a white jacket over her shoulders and placing her feet in her sneakers, and then she was ready to go.

now only to wait for ruben to appear. he was picking her up and then they'd go to the hospital together. the first time ever ruben would see his child. and the way things were going, it would probably be the last time for him, because she wasn't sure how more often he was going to go with her. he had told her he wouldn't leave, but so far he had wanted his space and annette had kept her distance, occasionally trying to get closer to him or to involve him, but he clearly hadn't been ready yet or he didn't want to. he had agreed to go with her today though, even if she did not really know what to think about it. did he actually want to go with her and see this, or was he doing it for her and basically trying to fight the urge to run away every second they were on their way to there? the hunter would never force her friend to do anything he didn't want, as much as she did truly need his support. she was five months along now, three months in which she had done most of it alone. she could handle herself alone, because she was strong and she could tell herself that she did not need support. but the thought of labour alone was scaring the living shit out of her. and knowing she'd have to do that alone, it was freaking her out. but she told herself to breathe. she always did. as much of an emotional person annette was, and as much as she had the most intense feelings both in light and dark times, she needed herself to not get ahead of herself. focus on now, on today.

and then as if right on queue, the door opened and closed. ruben had the key, so he never knocked. he didn't have to. the blonde looked at him, after not having seen him for quite a while. she had missed him, but she did not want to invade his personal space, and she did not know what he'd appreciate. so she just stood there, a little awkward as she looked at him, twirling a strand of her hair around her finger. "Hey.. are you ready for it?" she asked him carefully as she moved towards the door, looking over her shoulder to check if he was following her. the blonde bit her lip, letting out a sigh. she knew this was going to be a long, long day.

outfit

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[RUBEN DANIEL CARRAWAY]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, width: 440px; background-image:url(http://i1081.photobucket.com/albums/j342/Rockiesaurus/black.png), bTable] 1013, ANNETTE/DINO, HOPE THIS IS OKI, OUTFIT ! and it was not your fault but mine It was no lie that Ruben had been dreading this moment. The second that the phone call ended with Annette, his heart was in his throat, because he had been avoiding this. Rue had lived in blissful ignorance for the past few months. Or well, pretending to forget that he would be a father. He had lived on as he always had, parties, drugs and alcohol, having (safe) sex with any woman who he fancied. In all honesty, it was as if the male was trying to do all the things that proved to himself and the rest of the world that he would be a terrible parent, and the awful thing is, that this lifestyle was the one he led before finding out. Annette, on her part, had given him the space he'd asked for. Ruben would always get anxiety whenever he saw the blonde's not so flat stomach, and he had to think about the fact that life which he'd created was within it. He'd done that and he didn't want it, dear God, he didn't want it and he just was happy that Annette could maybe see sense. Neither of them were ready to be parents, not with each other, not with anyone else or for anyone. Especially not the poor baby who could have a much better upbringing. Ruben took his time getting dressed, his fifth cigarette between his lips as he found a decent shirt and jeans without his usual rips in them. He didn't know why he was trying to look presentable, anyone with half a mind would be looking at him weird at the hospital anyway, but for some reason he didn't want to be written off like he knew he would be. Ruben could deal with some confidence issues in private, being put down by himself was a whole other issue than getting looks from people. Not that he'd ever cared, but something in the shapeshifter doesn't want to look like he'd be a bad father. He knew he would be, but no one else needed to know that. He took in a long drag of his cigarette, the sweet smoke filling his lungs and made him feel a lot better. He shut his eyes and took a moment to breathe. Licking his lips he but out the bud and finished dressing, slipping on a white shirt and his boots, putting on a black jacket he grabbed the car keys that were borrowed. He was picking Annette up, and because she was pregnant he could hardly take her on his bike, so he traded with a guy at work for a day so he could drive them to the hospital. Never say that Ruben doesn't put thought into anything. Once in the car, his fingers itched to light up another cigarette but he didn't, instead choosing to occupy his mouth with chewing gum. It was a nervous tick of his, needing to chew or do something of the sort. Running a hand through his thick hair, Rue started the car and started driving. He didn't want to be late, but he also didn't want to face the inevitable. The male took a moment to think about his life choices. Not that he'd change them, he was too much of a commitment phobe to do that, but he would laugh at what his parents would think about this. He liked his lifestyle, it was good, he had his martial arts, he had his job at the garage, an apartment and he was able to pay his half of the rent on time every time. That was a large feat, but Rue guessed that it was better than being married. That is what he had run away from, a marriage that would be forced upon him, but wasn't a child the same? He loved Annette, he did, as a friend of course, but he liked spending time with her but that didn't mean that he wanted a child with her. It was saying a lot that Ruben hadn't run yet. Mostly because of the life he'd built for himself here, but also because he was changing, little by little, barely visible, but the changes were there. And the first proof was him agreeing to go with Annette for a scan. The male let out a long breath as he finally parked beside the building where the woman lived. He took a moment to just take a breath and settle the nervousness because he hadn't seen her in a while, and fuck, he'd be seeing his baby. It was making it so real, the whole fucked up situation that was both of their faults, but it didn't mean the child had to suffer. Taking the steps one a time, Ruben made his way to the apartment. He took out the key that Annette had given to him forever ago and unlocked the door. It was funny how last time that he used the key his whole life got turned upside down. At the sight of the blonde woman, Ruben felt himself smile. This was Annette. Just Annette, a girl who he'd had sex with, but also who made him laugh and he like spending time with. He didn't make friends easily, but he had always considered her a friend. He eyed her frame, the baby bump very prominent. "Hey you." He spoke to her, licking his lips and opened his arms for her to step into, because he refused to let the wall between them remain. Not now anyway. He took her into his arms, hugging her tightly for a few moments. "As ready as I'll ever be. Who knew that potential parenthood was so scary." He laughed as he followed her. "I brought a car." He smirked, ruffling her hair gently, feeling it better to just be himself than uptight. "Now you can't say I never think of anyone but myself." He beamed at her as he held the door open for her with a wink, in a completely over the top gesture of chivalry. "After you, m'lady."

BY GABE IS A FWEAK AT CAUTION !

[ANNETTE DORYCE MASON]

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rate yourself and rake yourself, take all the courage you have left

Though she had needed him, all Annette could do, was oblige to Ruben's wish to give him space. The blonde was a rather selfless girl in most occasions, apart from the abortion which she couldn't handle to live with the guilt even if it would have made everybody's life easier, who would sooner oblige to her friend's requests even if it hurt her than push them away or hurt them. She was compassionate and an empath and she got where he was coming from. She got why he needed his space and why it was so hard for him to accept all of this and so scary. She got all of it because like him she had gone through all the stages of it alone, she had gone through everything alone. The blonde had wanted to go through it with him, because they both knew they weren't fit as parents and they both knew they couldn't keep it, so then why not stick through all of this together? It was driving them apart and Annette hated every second of it, because if there was anything she didn't want, it was to be losing Rue. He was one of her closest friends, even if they did have sex, it was always all for good fun. They had always played boyfriend and girlfriend, but neither of them had ever been serious about it. They just weren't like that.

But maybe that was also part of what made this so real. It had always been a child's play for them, like playing house when you were younger really, and now there was a real baby and real options and things that neither of them had wanted to think about. Not with each other. Ruben and Annette were not in love, at this point the girl even wondered whether she felt love at all, whether she even knew how after everything that had happened to her, whether she could love people like that, other than just friends. She didn't think she could, she didn't even know whether she wanted to. Love was a scary thing and the only thing people had always shown her was that love wasn't for her. That guys couldn't be trusted and that they were only gonna break her heart and she didn't want it anymore. She loved to be friends with people, share benefits with them like she had done with Rue, just have one-nighters or booty calls, she was fine with that. If that was her life than she didn't mind at all. But this, all of this, it was just too much. It was way too much and she did not know how to handle it and now she also had to handle it on her own and- no. Ruben was coming today, she should give him at least credit for that. Because maybe she did blame him a little that he had just dropped her like that. They were nearly best friends after all, weren't they?

On the other hand the blonde knew she shouldn't be so hard on him. This was hard for the both of them and now they'd just have to deal with it and the girl just hoped he wouldn't throw their friendship away over this. And he was coming, so she guessed he didn't. Shit, he was coming. Which was the moment where the nervousness took over and Nettie started sort of pacing around doing useless stuff to keep herself occupied like wiping the table for the tenth time, while there really was no more dirt on the table and just freaking the fuck out, she just didn't know what to expect. She feared awkwardness and feared the realization that things would never be the same again no matter what she had hoped. And then there was the sound of the opening door and the fact that he still wasn't knocking and just using his keys meant something to her. Right now every little detail meant something to her, it was pathetic really. She took a deep breath as she turned around to face him, because damn she didn't know what to do, she didn't know what to say, so she just blurted something out, the first thing that came into her head. And then he opened his arms to her and Nettie just felt a weight being lifted off her shoulders as she dived into them, securing her arms around his waist and digging her head into his chest. Part of her had feared she'd never see him again, but just standing here made her realize that she too had to try to keep this whole. They were in this together.

He was joking around, being himself, not the reaction she was expecting, neither did she think that Rue really felt that way, but she was going to go with it for now. This was all tense and nerve wrecking enough without adding an emotional talk to it. Maybe they would do that afterwards, maybe they wouldn't, for now Annette would just enjoy the temporary sort-of-joking around atmosphere they had. "You. Brought a car. Are you ill, Rue? Are you alright, you sure you're alright?" She said with a teasing grin, moving her head over his forehead as to feel his temperature. Of course Nettie knew there was no way she would've fitted on that motorcycle of his, she just liked to be able to tease him again, even if just for a small moment. "Thank you, m'lord." The hunter continued, making a short curtesy at him before walking through the door he held open for her, locking it after them and then they made their way to the car and Annette really didn't know what to say. Normal parents-to-be would probably be talking so much about their 'little one', the baby they were expecting to have and love and cherish. But for Rue and Nettie it really wasn't that way. Neither of them wanted this kid, it was not their choice to have it, they were not in love. "We'll find out about the gender today." The girl said as they arrived at the car, waiting for Rue to unlock it so she could get in. It wasn't much of an excited tone even if Annette was sort of curious. She just didn't know what to do with that information, since there was nothing to prepare for. They weren't keeping this kid, she wasn't keeping this kid, so what did the gender really matter? And yet, yet she wanted to know.

outfit

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[RUBEN DANIEL CARRAWAY]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, width: 440px; background-image:url(http://i1081.photobucket.com/albums/j342/Rockiesaurus/black.png), bTable] 888, ANNETTE/DINO, MY FEELS, OUTFIT ! and it was not your fault but mine There was a sense of guilt and responsibility that Ruben had faced since the knowledge of the baby. He had asked Annette for some space, and she had obliged. It's been months, and Rue had been distant and that was a really dick move, yet he couldn't help it. The thought of this made his whole chest ache, and even though they weren't keeping it, the baby would still have his blood, and genetics. Yes, he did leave Annette to cope on her own, but he was coping on his own too. So, she was carrying the baby, but he held half of the responsibility for it and that killed him because Ruben was not a man to face responsibility. For all his strengths, his flaws outweighed them completely and he was being a coward, not being able to face this. But he had to swallow that down. Annette asked him to be there for this scan, and who was Ruben to say no? It was time for him to grow up. He consoled himself with the thought that Annette wouldn't keep the baby. They were the least two people on earth to be parents, and it was carelessness that made mistakes. Nevertheless, Ruben was here now, and entering Annette's apartment, and upon laying eyes on her it hit him how much he missed her. Rue has never really made real friends easily, but he knew that his friendship with Annette was not something he wanted to lose, so he opened his arms to her and the hug which she gave him made his chest tighten. The baby bump against his lean frame felt so foreign, and he was scared for a moment but he tightened his arms around her, glad to have her close and he felt like an idiot for leaving her like this. Not being there for her. Rue wasn't sure how long they hugged, but he was enjoying the sensation too much. But the hug had to be over, and Ruben took some time to really look at the blonde woman. She was still Annette but different. She had dark circles under her eyes, and there was the addition to the size of her stomach, of course, but other than that she seemed like same old Annette. Rue hadn't been sure what he was expecting, but he was so glad to feel this familiarity. Then he started with the over the top jokes, because he didn't know what else to say or who else to be. He was sure he wouldn't fool Annette, but maybe he could fool himself. She was surprised that he brought a car. Of course she was, and Ruben grinned, genuinely. She checked to see if he was ill and he swatted her hand away. "Oh come on, we both know you wouldn't be able to fit onto my bike." He teased her. "Also, I know there is no place on a motorbike for a pregnant woman, so I swapped with my co-worker for the day. You better pray he doesn't fucking damage my baby." He gave her a mock glare, since he had to do the swap because of her, but Ruben truly didn't mind it. If he was going to do this, he wanted to do this right. Of course, later today he would go out and get smashed just so he couldn't remember this, forget about it for a while in a drunken fling, but for now he would do his best to be what Annette needs him to be. They were truly in this together. Rue smiled widely when she played along with the chivalry gesture, and he did a mock bow as he looked at her. "You're welcome, only the best for a lady." He chuckled and followed after her, locking the door behind him and extending his arm for her to hook hers through. Once at the car, the shifter unlocked the doors, his stomach lurching a little at her words and he bit his lip. "I realise that. Would you rather it were a boy or a girl?" He asks softly, his heartbeat becoming more erratic the more real this became and he didn't really know what to do with himself as he sat down behind the wheel and waited for Annette to sit down next to him. "You know this baby won't be normal, right? Half shifter, half human." His voice was contemplative, wondering if the baby would shift any time in their life, but then he shook his head. No, Ruben was not to think about the future of this baby because the moment that Annette gives birth, they wipe their hands clean off this. "So, mummy, how are you feeling?" He asks, a small smile on his face because he wants to know how she is doing and how she feels about today. Or maybe he just asks to get that lump out of his throat. Either way, he starts the car, let's some classic rock play in the car and he drives in the direction of the hospital, trying to forget about how real this was. "I missed you, Nettie." He says, looking at her from the road, the nickname he had given her so comfortable on his tongue it seemed like they had barely spent any time apart.

BY GABE IS A FWEAK AT CAUTION !