Broken Angel (memories)

[jessena]

Broken Angel by Boyce Avenue
Sometime in Fall 2011

Angels surrounded her, acting like they couldn't see her as she walked through the crowd towards where a bright light shone in the distance. She felt the light pulling her closer, urging her to come to it. "Daddy," she whispered, referring to her Heavenly father that created her years ago. As she crept closer, she shielded her eyes from the light, because it was practically blinding her. Still, she kept walking towards it. As she passed the other angels, she saw that they were now beginning to turn to look at her and she saw the look of disgust and hatred on their faces. She didn't understand why they were looking at her like that. As they watched her, she felt her white dove wings draw in towards her back, wanting to hide as much as she wanted to. The feeling of them comforted her enough that she looked back at the blinding light, just as she heard a voice booming.

"Why are you here? I thought I banished you?" The voice echoed across the space between her and him and seemed to surround her. She didn't understand what was going on. Why would her father speak to her that way? I thought he loved me, she thought, but instantly regretted it, because he spoke again, angrier than before. "I will never love you, not again! You betrayed me and the others! Now, get out!!" As he said this, she was suddenly being thrown backwards and she tried to get her wings to beat the air to slow her down. As she beat them, she suddenly felt a burning sensation and she realized that they were on fire. She screamed, closing her eyes as the pain crept from her wings into her back and then flowed outward. Within seconds, she was on fire.

Her eyes flown open as she sat up quickly in bed, crying and screaming. She could still feel the flames on her skin and in her veins. Bringing her legs up and wrapping her arms knees, she kept on crying. How could he hate me so much? Would he really say those things to meet if I ever managed to return to Heaven? Would he really set me on fire? She wondered as she continued to cry while she laid down again and curled up into a fetal position, trying to make herself become as small as possible. After a while, she had cried herself out and fell into a fitful sleep that was void of dreams, but instead filled with the burning sensation, at least she was indeed on fire.

[jessena]

All Through the Night lullaby
December 26, 2010
This is the thing that made God and the angels decide to take away Jessena's wings. Also, she didn't die, because she has switched from charge to charge since she was finished with her training and she got another charge after Faith died.

On December 26, 2010, the day after Christmas, one of Jessena's charges had woken up early in the morning and had decided to go ice skating on a frozen lake near her house. Her parents weren't awake yet and the girl hadn't tried to wake them. She just got dressed, took her ice skates out of her closet, and went outside. Jessena had felt uneasy about Faith doing this, sensing that somehting bad might happen, but she wasn't allowed to intervene.

When they reached the frozen lake, the little girl changed out of her boots and into her ice skates. Once she was finished, she stepped onto the ice and began to skate, laughing and just having fun. About five or more minutes passed before the ice cracked where the girl was currently skating and Faith screamed as she fell into the icy waters. Jessena looked around frantically, hoping someone was nearby to save her charge, but no one was there. A maternal instinct took over and Jessena didn't want to just sit by and watched the girl drown. She had to do something, even if it met losing her wings.

Before she could change her mind, she began to fly over the lake to where the little girl was struggling to keep her head above water. The hole in the ice was large enough for two or three people to fit in so she held her breath and dove in. The moment she felt the icy water bite into her skin, she gritted her teeth as she turned around in the water and went towards where Faith was at. When she reached her, she wrapped her arms around the girl's waist and beat her wings as hard as she could. Within seconds, they were flying out of the freezing lake and heading for the shore.

Once Jessena was hovering over the shore, she slowly lowered the two of them to the ground. When she was sitting down, she put the girl's head in her lap. Faith was shivering and Jessena wished she could take her inside, but knew that she couldn't have anybody else see her. She was already risking so much as it is. Instead, she would stay with her and soothe her until one of two things happened: someone found Faith or she died. She hoped it wouldn't be the latter. She was too young, too innocent to die, but Jessena wouldn't let her see the fear she was feeling. She had to stay strong for her.

"Who are you?" Faith asked in a small voice, as if she had just woken from a dream and found Jessena watching over her. As she spoke, her teeth chattered as she continued to shiver.

"I'm a friend," Jessena said in a soothing voice. She ran her hand over the girl's wet red hair, which stuck to the girl's face and neck. As she did so, she felt herself dissolving into grief, but forced it to stay hidden. It would only worry the five-year-old girl if she noticed it.

"I'm s-s-so c-cold," Faith said through chattering teeth as she began to shiver more violently. Jessena took off the coat she was wearing and draped it over Faith's body, trying to make her feel more comfortable. For a moment, she searched her surroundings with her eyes and listened to see if anybody was coming, but no one did.

Turning her attention back to Faith, she said, "It's going to be alright. Everything will be alright." Still, she could see the girl looked afraid and wasn't sure what she should do. Sing to her, a voice in her head spoke. Fighting back the tears that were forming in her eyes, she began to sing.

Sleep my child and peace attend thee,
All through the night
Guardian angels God will send thee,
All through the night;
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,
Hill and vale in slumber sleeping,
I my loved ones' watch am keeping,
All through the night.

Faith stopped shivering and fixated on Jessena's voice. She was mesmerized by it and peace flowed through as she begun to feel sleepy.

Angels watching, e'er around thee,
All through the night
Midnight slumber close surround thee,
All through the night
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,
Hill and vale in slumber sleeping
I my loved ones' watch am keeping,
All through the night.

Jessena watched as Faith's eyes began to close and she gripped the girl's hand, her fingers grazing the part of her wrist that had her pulse beating. It was slowing and Jessena knew her baby was dying. No, don't die, Jessena said as her tears began to creep down her cheeks, but she forced herself to keep her voice clear and strong as she sang the final part of the song.

While the moon her watch is keeping
All through the night
While the weary world is sleeping,
All through the night
O'er thy spirit gently stealing,
Visions of delight revealing
Breathes a pure and holy feeling,
All through the night.

As she sang, memories of Faith's life swept through Jessena's mind. The first time she saw the little girl when her mother birthed her. When she first began to crawl and then months later she took her first steps. Faith's first word. All of these memories and so many more rushed through Jessena's mind and she didn't realize her voice broke on the final word of the song as she looked down at Faith's beautiful face. Jessena checked her pulse and found none and knew the girl was gone.

Jessena openly cried as she held the girl to her chest and rocked back and forth. As she did this, a hole formed in her heart from the loss of this girl. She had never reacted to a charge's death this way before, but knew it was because she had bonded with Faith. Had stayed awake when she had bad dreams or was sick. Worried about her when she thought she was going to lose Fatih, but the girl had always made it through and she never expected the girl to die at such a young age.

Soon, she heard voices in the distance and knew that she had to leave. Setting the girl down on the snow-covered ground, she kissed her forehead, said goodbye, and then stood up. Not looking back, she flapped her wings and soared away from the girl she had watched over the past few years and loved tremendously, determined to keep what happened a secret she would tell no one. She was determined to forget.

[jessena]

Breath of Life by Florence and the Machine

It was late one night the day after she met Daisha and Violet. She was having a hard time falling asleep and didn't want to read. As she sat on her bed, her gaze drifted over to her radio that sat on her dresser. Smiling at the idea of listening to music, she stood up, went over to the radio, and turned it on. As music filled the room, she began to dance and sing along to the song.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
I was looking for a breath of life
For a little touch of heavenly light
But all the choirs in my head say, no oh oh
To get a dream of life again
A little vision of the sight at the end
But all the choirs in my head say, no oh oh

As she sang, Jessena danced around the room, twirling around in circles and using a hairbrush as a pretend microphone. She was having so much fun that she actually forgot about everything that has happened in the past few days. She just let her lose herself in the song she was singing.

But I would need one more touch
Another taste of heavenly rush
And I believe, I believe it so oh oh oh
And I would need one more touch
Another taste of divine rush
And I believe, I believe it so oh oh oh

She sang the next line three times, which went, "Who's side am I on? Who's side am I on?" While she sang and danced, she felt so free and happy and at peace. Soon it was time to sing the next part.

And the fever begins to spread
From my heart down to my legs
But the room is so quiet, oh oh oh
And although I was losing my mind
It was a call that was so sublime
But the room is so quiet, oh oh oh
I was looking for a breath of life
A little touch of heavenly light
But all the choirs in my head say, no oh oh
To get a dream of life again
A little vision of the sight at the end
But all the choirs in my head say, no oh oh

The next part was instrumental so she just danced along to the beat, moving around her bedroom and using different things to dance with. At one point, she raised her arms above her head and spun around and laughed at how good it felt. Then when Florence began to sing again, she stopped spinning and moved along to the beat of the music as she sang along.

It's a long way and it's come from paper
And I always say, We should be together
I can see the look, because this song has ended
And if you are gone, I will not be long (Be long, be long, be long)
And I started to hear it again but this time it wasn't the end
And the room is so quiet, oh oh oh
And my heart is the heart of a life
For the devil to dance again
And the room is too quiet
I was looking for the breath of a life
A little touch of a heavenly life
But all the choirs in my head say no, oh oh

As the song ended and she finished dancing, she felt happy and at peace and a little bit tired. Turning off the radio, she climbed into bed and turned off the light. Getting comfortable in bed, she closed her eyes and listened to the song replaying in her mind. As she listened to the melody, she drifted off to sleep and dreamed of a light so beautiful and a melody so mesmerizing that it carried her through the night with a serene feeling in the very depth of her being.

[jessena]

Song Coming Soon
August 17, 2012

Jessena woke up one morning, thankful that she hadn't dreamt about anything. It was hard enough to not be able to see Nell or at least be able to hear her voice, but to have nightmare with her in them was far worse. She laid there, thinking about Nell, for a while before she heard someone knock on her front door. Groaning inwardly, she got out of bed and walked to the front door of her apartment with her feet bare.

When she reached the door and looked out the peephole, she didn't see anyone out in the hallway. That's odd, she thought to herself as she undid the various locks on her door. When she was finishing unlocking the door, she twisted the knob and opened the door. She looked around and soon spotted a letter on the floor. Picking it up and holding it in her hands, she saw her name on the front of the envelope and recognized it to be Hayden's handwriting. Fear instantly rushed through her, wondering if she had driven someone else away. Ripping the envelope open, she pulled out the paper inside and began to read what the letter said.

Dear Jessena,

I'm sorry that I have to tell you that I'm leaving town this way, but speaking to you in person will just make leaving harder. My family needs me to go be with them and I don't know how long I will be gone so I think that you should start seeing other people. I know me telling you this might hurt right now, but you deserve not be tied down to someone that isn't even in the same town as you. Please forgive me.

Love,
Hayden

She stood there frozen, not sure if she had read the letter right. Hayden wants me to see other people? He is leaving to be with his family? No, this can't be possible. He will come back for me. We were supposed to spend eternity together. As she thought these things, she closed the door, leaned against it, and soon slid down the smooth surface until she was sitting on the ground. She began to cry as she thought, I loved him. Before long, she was sobbing, grief overwhelming her as she realized that she has lost two of the most important people in her life and she had no one to turn to for comfort. She soon found herself bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them while she buried her face in the space her body between her chest and knees.