part of your world | Nikki

[TARQUIN FINLEY ELLIS]

It was nerve-wrecking, the drive over to Nikki's house. It was a good thing that the cadillac had been fixed, because Quinn wasn't sure he would have been able to walk there without turning around. It was hard enough to force himself into the car to drive, truth be told. He was tempted to just drive on by, but he needed to suck it up and do the right thing. He had to apologize in person. Quinn could not take the easy way out and use the phone or a message. No. He had to be better then that, because Nikki deserved more then something like that. If Quinn was going to apologize to Nikki, then he would do it right. Even if the mermaid didn't want to hear it or talk to him, at least Quinn had tried to do it face to face instead of using some easy way out. Nikki mattered, and Quinn wasn't going to show anything less. He did not expect anything, he simply hoped that the mermaid would at least listen. Quinn needed to let Nikki know that he realized he'd acted terribly, and it was wrong of him to have been that way. Quinn still believed that it wasn't right of Nikki to assume the things he had, nor hide his gender all that time, but Quinn was more understanding as to why. For the very reason Quinn had reacted to finding out, for one. Which could have been handled better, if he hadn't felt so betrayed then, if the past hadn't rushed up on him, making him believe he was just being played with again. But that wasn't Nikki's fault. Quinn couldn't blame the mermaid for his past.

He parked at the curb and turned the car off, just sitting there, trying to figure out what to say. There had been so much going through his mind since the beach, and it had taken him this long to finally do something. He shouldn't have waited, but with all the things going on, trying to deal with his issues that had caused him to react like he had; he just seemed to need to take time to understand what he was feeling. He certainly regretted how he had been to Nikki, that was for sure. He missed the mermaid, and Quinn could admit that he'd made a mistake. Actually, he had made a bunch of them lately, and he really wanted to banish most of them from his mind and forget. Not easy. Taking a deep breath, he finally got out of the car and walked slowly up to the house, his stomach twisted in knots as he went, not knowing how this would even go. Another deep breath as he paused and stood before the door. Shaking the nerves away, he knocked on Nikki's door and waited, fingers tugging awkwardly at the hem of his shirt. When the door finally opened, he stared at the mermaid for a full second before leaping right into it; never knew if the door was going to be slammed in his face, not that he'd blame Nikki for that. Not on how he'd been. "I want to apologize. I was horrible to you, and I am so sorry. I was angry about some things that weren't even your fault. I know I don't deserve to explain myself, but maybe someday if you're willing to listen..." His words were a nervous rush, fading off when he needed to breathe in again.

[NICOLE CAMERON CARTER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/w6MZf.png);] i'm gonna give all my secrets away it had seemed like forever that quinn had found out his secret. nikki had cried. he'd screamed. he'd broken things he'd once loved. now? now he was calm. relatively speaking. he was tired of being angry; all he wanted to do was get over it. it'd been so long that nikki figured quinn would never want to talk to him again. wanting something to do, nikki had picked up his art supplies for the first time in years. he'd started the painting only a few days ago, and it was already almost done. it had been all the male was working on. his daily routine became eat, paint, eat, paint, maybe eat again, sleep. a restroom break only if he really needed it. nikki wasn't bothered by the routine, though; it helped him. the sooner he finished this, the better. he could move on. be happy. live his life. now, i'm sure you're wondering what the painting is about. the center of the painting are two people - young, obviously, though neither have a face - slightly off center, at just a teeny angle. the person on the right of the painting had long blond hair and a mermaid tail, with water surrounding him. the male towards the left was surrounded in fire. the one that was meant to resemble nikki was reaching up towards the other figure, who wasn't even trying to grab him. it might have been childish to make such a thing, but he didn't really care. it was an excellent way to get over his feelings. what nikki hadn't expected, though, was for his brother to interrupt him as he was just about finished with the painting. maybe another hour or so and it would have been completely done. but no, his brother decided to drop by. the two talked for a few hours; how have you been, what's new, how you holding up - the usually questions. eventually, nikki just got tired of him and told his brother to watch tv or something so he could finish the painting. frustrated, nikki hooked up his ipod and started blasting his current favorite playlist. the very first song to start playing was one republic's secrets. i need another story something to get off my chest My life gets kinda boring need something that i can confess 'til all my sleeves are stained red from all the truth that i've said come by it honestly i swear thought you saw me wink, no i've been on the brink, so nikki hummed the tune as he painted, adding more dimension to the flames and making the waves seem more life - like behind the mermaid. the knock on the door made him sigh. who is it this time? he thought. " jayce, can you get that? " he asked his brother, not wanting to be disrupted again. " but . . . you're closer, bro! " well, it was true. tell me what you want to hear something that were like those years i'm sick of all the insincere so i'm gonna give all my secrets away this time don't need another perfect line don't care if critics ever jump in line i'm gonna give all my secrets away nikki carefully put his brush away and wiped some of the wet paint onto his legs and pants. his clothes were already covered in paint, so it wasn't a big deal anymore. it would just make them cuter when he wore them somewhere else. when nikki opened the door, the one person he was expecting to never see again was staring him right in the face. my god amazing that we got this far it's like we're chasing all those stars who's driving shiny big black cars he stammered for a second before quinn managed to talk. nikki listened to what quinn said, silent. what was he supposed to say to that? his heart was broken. he had bawled for days. he'd worried his family to no end; they thought he was going to hurt himself! before nikki managed to say anything in retaliation, jason showed up behind nikki . . . in his underwear. " who's this? oh! this is him, right? well, listen here, kid, nik-- " jason said, getting interrupted when nikki elbowed him in the side. " jason, go find sis and go keep her company. for the day, " he mumbled to his brother. jason, understanding the hint, simply walked out the door. he was never one to care about what people thought of him, or how he looked. unbeknownst to nikki, jason whispered a simply sentence to quinn on his way out. " don't you dare hurt him again. " when jason was out of range, nikki opened the door more to let quinn inside. " you should . . . come inside. we can talk in private. " he said. if quinn didn't walk in, well, nikki would just pull him in. in any case, after quinn was inside, nikki shut the door behind him. " i'm listening, " he said after turning the music off. words: 824 - tags: prosie - outfit: link

[TARQUIN FINLEY ELLIS]

It had seemed like forever that things had fallen apart. It was mostly his fault, he knew that. But considering his temper, it could have been a lot worse. There had been too many conflicting and hurt emotions going on in his head to really think straight, and Quinn should have given it more time. He should have thought it all out before he just ended it like that. And as these things tended to do, bad went to worse, and there were so many messed up things that had happened after he'd broken up with Nikki. And he missed the mermaid. It had taken nearly a week for him to finally be able to admit that to himself, but it was true. No sense in denying it. Yet he had been so horrible to Nikki. He did not expect to fix things, but he would at least apologize. Nikki deserved that.

With bad turning to worse, Quinn hadn't been able to force himself to go over and apologise very quickly at all. He'd actually been oddly quiet and withdrawn after what had happened with Annette. It really messed with him, having that happen. He was certainly no where near over Nikki yet, and then again, there was that part where he'd been drugged all to hell. He'd had everything tested the moment he'd walked out the door that morning -- couldn't be too carefull -- but things had thankfully come back clean, except the fact that Quinn now knew for sure that roofies had been in his system. The whole thing made him sick. At least he was starting to feel better, more like himself. It just had taken some time to get there.

There might be a good part of that having been the responsiblity of Lambert. The duckling had helped pull him out of the weird mood he'd fallen into. That was a crazy story to even begin with. Quinn had never imagined himself with a pet, and certainly not a duck. How strange was that? But one day, some kid had pushed the egg into his hands, and that had been a strange enough occurance. He hadn't known what to do about it, so he'd figure he could just sort of set it in his fridge or something. Quinn was a bit clueless on the fact that it might be, well, alive. When it had hatched, it surprised the shit out of him. And when he tried to leave it at a duck pond, the damn thing had stumbled after him with the saddest squeaks. So he kept it.

Now with Quinn feeling up to going out, he had decided he needed to apologize to Nikki first. That in itself was hard enough, and driving over had been an experience in itself. He nearly had turned around halfway, but he'd managed to keep going. He had to do this. It was the right thing to do. The mermaid might not want to hear anything he had to say, but if he could manage to get out the words of being sorry, then he'd feel a little better. Not by much, but at least he would have tried. But being at the door and knocking; having to wait? The drive over wasn't the worst part. This was. Standing here feeling all the nerves rise up within him and having no idea what was going to happen? It was all making his head hurt, and he had no idea what to expect.

And once the door was opened, Quinn had wasted no time, launching into the words, because he needed them to be out. They certainly didn't come out the way he'd wanted them to, but it was good enough to get what he meant across. But when he stood there to catch his breath and see what Nikki had to say, someone had showed up behind the mermaid. A male someone. A mostly naked male someone. Quinn's heart seemed to drop to the pit of his stomach, his throat constricted. It wasn't even that he had any expectation to be able to be with Nikki again, but seeing this had still hurt him. It made it worse. He'd gone all numb when the male had started to talk, and Quinn did not even try to defend himself, not that he had a chance to, anyway.

The moment Nikki had elbowed the male, called him 'Jason' and told him to go find sis, Quinn was able to inhale again, not realizing that he'd been holding his breath through those moments. He let Jason pass by, catching the words and saying nothing in response. That was the last thing Quinn wanted to do. He had no intention of hurting Nikki again. That wasn't why he was here. Then Quinn was just looking at Nikki, at a loss for words just now. But when the mermaid opened the door more and spoke, he gave a careful nod of his head and stepped in. He watched as Nikki turned the music off, and when the words came, he swallowed down the lump that had formed in his throat. Where was he suppost to even start? There was so much....

It took a moment for him to be able to speak. "The way I treated you was wrong. I over-reacted, and badly. I'm sorry. I said some things that didn't actually reflect on how I felt about you. I never felt sick about kissing you." He sighed. He knew he had to say this, but it was still difficult, even after all these years. "I've known that I've been pansexual since I was thirteen." His hands were fisted, nails digging into his palms; grounding him through what he was saying. "I was too young. He was six years older and I trusted him. It was wrong, it should never have happened, and I got hurt. It messed me up." He took a deep breath, having trouble meeting Nikki's gaze right now. "I wanted to be normal... and when I found out about you I'd already fallen and I lashed out..." He was trying to calm himself, noting that he'd been slightly shaking. "I just.. needed you to know why, and how sorry I am." He finally finished. Quinn had already started to back towards the door, feeling nervous and exposed on what he'd said.

[NICOLE CAMERON CARTER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/w6MZf.png);] i'm gonna give all my secrets away nikki hadn't really been expecting this little visit. honestly, he had been pretty convinced that quinn never wanted to speak to him again. who could blame him? his girlfriend turned out to be his boyfriend. nikki was completely convinced that it was his fault; he hadn't told quinn about his gender. that was a pretty big deal to most people. his blind sense of hope had made him keep the secret longer, though. quinn's initial words left nikki shocked. he honestly hadn't expected to hear that, either. nikki figured that if quinn ever dropped by, he's say something along the lines of 'it's officially over, i'm not into dude, you're sick, leave me alone' or something. he had been terrified, actually, and had nightmares of that conversation going on. it hadn't been a good few weeks for the mermaid. the mermaid was silent while quinn explained himself. he didn't want to miss anything the other said. nikki was surprised. quinn? tricked like that? the idea boggled the mind. he never suspected that quinn would have been sucked into anything by an older guy. suddenly, though, it made sense as to why quinn left after finding out. he was scared, and the memories were probably painful. nikki was silent for a bit after quinn finished talking. first, he wanted to make sure the other was finished talking. second, he had no clue what to say in response to that. what was there to say? he didn't even know how to feel. he was confused, but also relieved, but also scared. out of all the ways his mind had managed to go through their confrontation, this was not one of those ways. when the mermaid looked up again to speak - he had been focusing on his nails, his feet, or quinn's shoes for the duration of the explanation, feeling awkward looking at the firetamer - he saw quinn backing towards the door. though confused about his feelings, nikki knew that he didn't want quinn to leave again. his heart skipped a beat, and he quickly moved to quinn and grabbed his arm so he couldn't leave. realizing what he did, nikki blushed slightly. he didn't move, though, he just held onto quinn's arm, looking at where he was touching. it had been so long since he'd felt the heat from the firetamer . . . it was nice. it reminded him of the good dates they'd had, of the warmth he'd always gotten from the male. but it also reminded him of the cave. " don't leave, quinn, i . . . " i what? you need to talk, nikki! you could lose him forever if you don't talk! he thought, trying to convince himself to actually speak. " i . . . i'm really sorry for not telling you, for letting you think i was a girl. i had no idea that . . . that that had happened to you. i guess we were both in the wrong, in a way . . . " he trailed off, chuckling a bit. the hand that was on quinn's arm moved lower, holding quinn's hand gently. nikki wouldn't blame quinn if he moved his hand away. in fact, he was half expecting it. " would . . . would you like to stay for a bit? have lunch or, er . . . whatever meal is next, " he asked lightly, glancing at a clock. he had no idea what time it was. nikki thought back to what quinn had said just moments ago. he was glad that the other hadn't been disgusted at the thought of kissing him; that comment had broken him earlier. he easily remembered the feeling of heartbreak when quinn had said that. he was glad it hadn't been true, and even happier that quinn was pansexual. the problem, though, was that nikki didn't even know how to get back with him . . . he wanted to be, but was there even any trust left between them? he hoped there was. words: 666 - tags: prosie - outfit: link

[TARQUIN FINLEY ELLIS]

It was trust that had done it, that had made it all crumble. The lack of it in those moments when Quinn had found out Nikki's true gender. It wasn't so much the gender itself that bothered him, because even Quinn, once past a certain point could have overlooked it. He had been hurt before by another male -- who he had trusted completely and utterly -- and he did want to be normal. Yet when they had decided to keep seeing each other, Nikki and Quinn, that meant that there was something there, something more then looks and the surface. Right? That could have kept them together if the mermaid had told Quinn his real gender. Not at first, simply because Quinn had held too fast to his wish to be considered normal, to have a more normal life; but after the first few dates, that would have been enough, right? Because Quinn had liked Nikki. More then like now, but it didn't change anything. Getting over the trust issues without the idea of going back was hard enough. Yet... he did want that. He just didn't let himslef hold onto hope for it. It would only let him down, and he'd had enough of that.

Still, he had managed to get his apology out, even if it did sound odd, and even if he wished it was much more elegantly said. Guess that wasn't his forte, not when it came to something like this. Insults he could do. Saying sorry... not something Quinn actually did all that often. It tasted weird in his mouth to even let the words out. But he had, thankfully. He'd needed to say it, to tell Nikki how he felt about that day and what he'd said, the way he had reacted. It hadn't been totally fair to the mermaid, though he still felt that he had made some valid points on the subject. It still wasn't right for Nikki to trick him that way, though maybe it was a lesson for Quinn to stop being so blind to things. Oh, and he wouldn't be, not anymore. Not after this, and not after having been drugged, either. He would be much more careful in the days to come. He would learn from all this, and hopefully he would be a better person for it. He wanted to be, anyway. It was a goal.

What had happened to him those years back, it hadn't been a trick. Quinn wasn't able to tell the whole story of it yet, but there was a lot left out that made more sense in the long run. Key points of it that would change the entire story, even if all he had said was still true on it's own. But once he told it all, then Nikki would see just how deeply it messed him up. For right now, Quinn had given up enough secrets, since he didn't think they could mend what had been broken between them. If they could, then Quinn would explain more, then he could try. But there was still worry that the mermaid wouldn't be able to look past what had been done in those days, but if he was going to try again, these things had to be said. Quinn couldn't hold anything more back. Not when the trust issues were exactly what they were. It was okay. Quinn didn't pretend it would get to that. He didn't feel pressed to worry. It wasn't going to happen. This was it, he'd apologised and things were even. He'd like to think so, anyway. Maybe Quinn was the king of wishful thinking. It would make some sense.

It's why he had moved back to the door, slowing inching away, because this shouldn't be more awkward then it had to be, then it already was. He didn't want to waste anymore of Nikki's time, and the silence from the mermaid -- to him -- spoke louder then words. Quinn would give Nikki space, to adjust to what had been said. Maybe they'd talk againg and be civil to each other, but Quinn wasn't going to push his luck. It's why he was ready to leave. Of course he hadn't expected Nikki to grab his arm. He stilled, looking at Nikki and waited for the words that he knew would come. He hadn't expected the mermaid to keep him from leaving, and he was silent, watching Nikki with curious eyes. He was still nervous, of course. Yet it felt good, this touch. Welcome. He saw the blush, having missed it. He wanted to pull the mermaid closer, but he did not try. It wouldn't be a good idea, would it? He was trying to leave these things all up to Nikki. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat.

Quinn heard the words, and he didn't know what to think still, but Quinn was glad for something. Any words helped, really at this point. More words, and he nodded, glancing down for a moment. It was strange, telling someone else this. Four people total knew, and Quinn would really like to keep it that way. Just as he knew Nikki wanted his secret kept. But he'd said nothing, to anyone. Not even Rue. "Of all people, wouldn't you know that things aren't always as they appear?" The words are soft, and he looks at the mermaid with an open gaze. It shouldn't matter what had happened to him, not enough to change things. People could go through all kinds of things, and it would still be wrong to have done as they both had. He doesn't move away when Nikki's hand went to hold his, letting his own fingers curl to the mermaid's. He couldn't help it, he craved the touch. He missed it. Quinn blinked at the next words, giving a quick glance at the clock as well. "Sure..." It was quiet, the response. And he couldn't take it anymore, pulling Nikki gently to him, an arm slipping around the mermaid's waist. "I'm sorry.... I just... I missed you." There was a bit of worry in his eyes, that maybe this was too much; yet Quinn has never been great at controlling his impulses.

[NICOLE CAMERON CARTER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/w6MZf.png);] i'm gonna give all my secrets away nikki heard quinn's soft words, and looking into quinn's eyes, nikki's heart started tearing in two all over again. " i know, i just . . . i planned on telling you, but then i was so scared that you would hate me and leave me . . . but i guess that kinda happened anyway, " he said, the last part just barely above a whisper. he knew that wasn't any good excuse, but it was still true. the slight hand motion got nikki's hopes up, though; his hopes of getting this all settled and behind them, that is. tarquin's hand might have just done that out of habit, though. did that really matter? it meant that the other wasn't really trying to push nikki away. to the mermaid, it meant just a sliver of hope for the two. a small smile formed on his lips. nikki was about to open his mouth again when he felt quinn's arms around his waist. a slight blush crept onto his face as his smile widened. his arms - as if on their own - reached up and hugged tarquin. he had missed this. oh, yes, he had missed this feeling. once again, nikki felt warm . . . safe. memories resurfaced, not all of them were pleasant, though. suddenly, nikki remembered the painting. it was in the room, but he had no idea if tarquin had seen it yet. he was starting to get a bit worried; what if quinn changed his mind about trying to . . . what were they trying to do, exactly? just be friends? get back together? nikki hoped for the latter, but it was all so confusing. after a little while, nikki spoke again, hoping that quinn didn't notice the nearly - finished painting. " so, um . . . what're you hungry for? i have a lot in the fridge because of my idiot brother coming to visit, so i can pretty much put together anythin' ya want, " he said with a smile. he was feeling a little awkward, but he was hoping that the feeling would go away soon. words: 354 - tags: prosie - outfit: link - notes: late and bad and short so sorry!

[TARQUIN FINLEY ELLIS]

Quinn tries to hold that gaze as levelly as possible -- he's a bit taller, but that has little to do witht he whole meaning of that -- and listens to the words, feeling that all too familiar unsettling hurt and guilt over what had been said. Yes, things had gone badly, and Quinn had left Nikki after some pretty harsh words, and he wished that it hadn't been that way. It was far too late to change anything though, at least when it came to the past. He could only hope that from now on it wasn't quite so bad. Quinn did not think it would get back to where it was, what they had been, but there could be some chance as some kind of friendship.... but that might be awkward, wouldn't it? He hated to think about it like that, but what else was there? Quinn had messed up; they both had. And now they had to deal with it all.

His eyes darted away for a moment, then went back to Nikki. He bit his lower lip, struggling for something to say to all that and coming up with nothing to make it easier. There was something to be said of it all, though. "I don't hate you..." Weak maybe, but he needed to point that out. He'd been hurt, felt betrayed and messed with, but he didn't think it had gotten to actual hate. Quinn might not be the most rational person by far, but hate took a lot. It hadn't come from the issues that they'd had; Quinn had other feelings mixed in instead, so it made things harder. And worse, honestly. But Quinn doesn't want to let his thoughts get away with him, not when he was here with Nikki, still trying to sort this part out before he could move on. He wished it wouldn't be that, but he also couldn't hope for much. He'd done too much damage already.

He wasn't pushing away, he didn't want to push Nikki away, not at all. He wanted to pull the mermaid closer instead. It was hard to hold himself back from that, and it seemed as if he simply could not do it. Quinn just had to feel Nikki close, in his arms. The impulse had been too strong to resist, though he certainly wouldn't try to keep the mermaid there if Nikki tried to pull away. At that point, Quinn would back off and stay backed off. That wasn't the case though. He saw the blush -- it sent a nearly giddy feeling through him -- and then there was the widening of the mermaid's smile. It warmed him to see. The hug made his heart flutter within his chest, and he ducked his head down to the crook of Nikki's neck; a quick, odd snuggling gesture made. Which was strange, even for him, but there it was. Strange happened.

No, Quinn had not yet noticed the painting. He had noticed the paint all over Nikki, but he hadn't looked for the source of why yet. He wasn't questioning it, and he rather liked the look to be honest. It was all kinds of adorable. At the words, Quinn just let his shoulders move up and down, unconcerned with the food right now. Didn't much matter to him what was given; it was more then he expected at all. "Whatever's quick and easy is fine." He finally responds with a small smile, not wanting to be picky, and just glad for the chance to have more time with the mermaid. Of course it was right then that his gaze did find the painting. He froze, eyes riveted to what he saw. "Is that how you feel?" He asked softly, not looking away from the painting, even as he spoke. He just looked at it, waiting for the answer.

[NICOLE CAMERON CARTER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/w6MZf.png);] i'm gonna give all my secrets away the mermaid smiled at the firetamer's words. he had known, deep down, that quinn didn't hate him, but the words had stung him. nikki hated having even a doubt as to whether or not the other male hated him. " i . . . i'm glad you don't hate me. i mean, i guess i kinda knew that you didn't, but . . . i dunno, " he said, giggling a little at the end, nervous. he didn't want to do something that would make the other male actually hate him, and really didn't want to have to go through the pain of losing him a second time. once was enough, in the mermaid's opinion. he didn't want to have the other leave him - so harshly, too - twice. when the other male replied with the very vague description of what he wanted, nikki started to make his way to the kitchen. he didn't really know what he wanted to grab, but maybe he could make a sandwich or just some chips and dip, something simple like that. his mind wandered briefly to the idea of them talking over a bag of chips, half - watching a movie . . . like they would have if the trip had never happened, if he hadn't been exposed from the waist down. naturally, it was when the mermaid started to feel happy about everything that quinn noticed the painting. nikki paled slightly, having forgotten that it was so out in the open. shit. i should have put it away . . . he thought. but it was too late for that now, wasn't it? he tried to force a smile and let out a soft laugh, but the laugh came out choked. he wanted to make it seem like a small thing, but he knew that it already looked like he was hiding something. " that's, um . . . " he started, trying to make up an excuse. the mermaid sighed, giving up. he would just tell tarquin the truth; the other male deserved it. " i've had a tendency, since i was young, to paint things to get over them. i have a ton of paintings of the fire, and if i was happy i'd paint that, too. it's always been a way for me to get out emotions, really . . . so, because i hadn't heard from you in a while, i doodled this. then i liked it so i wanted to paint it. " he said, the last part coming out in slightly more than a whisper. nikki bit his lip, hoping that quinn wouldn't get mad. quickly, he shuffled over to the painting and started to pick it up. " it's nothing, so i'm just gonna put it away, okay? " he said with a nervous laugh, wanting to get it out of the room as fast as possible. he was embarrassed. he never usually let people see his paintings - in fact, most of them were locked away so no one could see them - and the fact that quinn saw the one that was about him . . . not fun. words: 524 - tags: prosie - outfit: link - notes: late and bad and short so sorry!

[TARQUIN FINLEY ELLIS]

A lot of things had stung in those moments when it was all laid out before him. It had been a betrayal Quinn hadn't seen coming, and he had lashed out with cruel words. He'd been bitter about it, upset that it had gotten that far, that he had been led to feel all those things only to find that what he had thought wasn't exactly the way things were. That had been difficult for him to deal with even later when it had been all said and done and yet he had missed Nikki. Quinn had tried so hard to protect himself from anything like this over the years, and to think that the one time he had opened himself back up; it had come to this. That had shocked him, and it really was a blessing that he hadn't done anything in the full extent of his anger. Not that he was abusive like that because he wasn't, but then again Nikki wasn't physically female, and that might have made it easier. But Quinn still hadn't been able to hit the mermaid.

He'd been hurt and angry but those weren't good enough reasons. He did not know where the lines were drawn in all of this, what changed things, but obviously something did. It wasn't just about gender. Quinn cared about Nikki, and that alone made a difference to him in what he did and how he handled himself. Yet there hadn't been hate. There was too much to combat such a feeling as that to begin with. And at Nikki's comment, Quinn said nothing. There wasn't anything he really could say to that, and it was best to just let it go at that. Certainly if the mermaid was giggling from nerves. Quinn did not want to make anything worse. He wanted to fix this, even if it was just for the hope of friendship. Or to at least part ways without too bad of feelings. He wanted more, but couldn't allow himself to think that way. It was too much to ask.

Quinn would have walked with Nikki to the kitchen to try and be helpful had the painting not commanded his attention, and he waited with an uncertain expression for the mermaid to answer him. There was a blink at the chocked sound, and he peered worriedly at Nikki. There was no words to urge the mermaid to speak faster or anything; Quinn was letting Nikki take time to explain it without pressing too much about it. When the words finally came, he listened without interrupting. There was a few more seconds of silence from him even after Nikki told him the reason why, and he didn't even make a move when the mermaid went over to the painting and spoke of putting it away. Quinn let his gaze shift away, quiet. "So..are you? Over it- us, I mean?" The words were low, unsure. He shuffled from one leg to the other. "I don't.. think I am." He finally added quietly, eyes flicking away from the mermaid; looking uncomfortable.

[NICOLE CAMERON CARTER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/w6MZf.png);] i'm gonna give all my secrets away nikki tried to find something to toss over the canvas to hide the painting before he carried it to the other room but couldn't find anything. he huffed in slight annoyance - this would put even more paint on his already - dirty clothing. not that it would really make a difference; he was already covered in paint. but what if the paint smeared and ruined the painting!? that thought scared nikki more than having more paint get on him. the mermaid had managed to carefully pick the painting up - he was holding it from the back, facing away from his body - when he heard what quinn had to say. the words were quiet and low; however, they somehow managed to ring in the mermaid's ears like they were screamed. he froze and faced quinn. he looked awkward, uncomfortable . . . and he wasn't looking at nikki. a sad smile came to nikki's lips. he carefully leaned the painting against one of the chairs and walked back over to tarquin, smiling softly. nikki gently held tarquin's head with both hands, one on each cheek. he moved to lock eyes with the firetamer. " don't look so much like a kicked puppy . . . did you see the painting? it wasn't finished. even if it was . . . i think it'd take a lot more than a single painting to get me to be over you. to be over us. " he said gently, hoping tarquin would understand. he bit his lip. being close to tarquin again like this, he . . . he got the urge to do something. nikki looked down and then back up, slightly embarrassed. " i hope . . . i hope you don't mind me doing this, but . . . " he mumbled under his breath. nikki didn't want to leave tarquin to even question what he was doing to do. rocking onto the balls of his feet to gain a few more inches, nikki planted a soft, sweet kiss on the firetamer's lips. it was warm, just as nikki remembered. after all, tarquin was a firetamer. why wouldn't he be warm? he pulled back after a few seconds, feet resting flat on the floor again. his hands lowered to rest on the taller man's shoulders. nikki blushed slightly and looked down at his feet. " but . . . no, i'm . . . i'm not over you either, quinn. i . . . i still really, really like you . . . " he added, resisting the urge to say i love you to the other. words: not enough - tags: prosie - outfit: link - notes: late and bad and short so sorry!

[TARQUIN FINLEY ELLIS]

He did not look at Nikki in those moments that it took the mermaid to figure out a way to pick the painting up, only trying to deal with all of his own thoughts that were tumbling through his mind. There was so much stuck there for him to think over, but he felt so tired of going through it all time and again. Quinn knew that he wasn't going to change his mind when it came to Nikki and how he felt about the mermaid. He'd had all that time to think about it, figure it out and possibly move on. Yet he had realized that he did not wish to move on if there was a way to have things somewhat like they had been before. When they could be together; when Quinn had been happy just being in the mermaid's company. He could accept a friendship, but anything less then that would be a devestation. One he deserved, but it would still hurt. Of course he did want more then even that.

He couldn't help the words that he had spoken, the question he had asked. He really wanted to know; needed to know. If there was no chance left, then he'd rather know now rather then keep hanging on. It would hurt worse in the end, and if he had to be cut more, then it should be a clean as it could be. Considering everything, the whole situation was already pretty messy, but if Quinn could soothe over a few things on how badly he had reacted, then he would feel better. He simply could not let it stay how it had been; he couldn't have let it stay how he had left it on the beach. He had manned up and apologised, trying to explain his actions and let Nikki know that he was aware of how wrong he had acted and treated the mermaid. Yet even after doing that, Quinn hadn't been able to just walk away. He had to ask the question and say those words. Now to deal with all that came from that...

Quinn heard the painting being put back down, and he felt a little tense in those seconds it took for Nikki to walk over to him. There was an odd shivery feeling that crept over him when the mermaid's hands found his cheeks and he had to look Nikki in the eyes. Uncertainly shone in his gaze as he listened to the mermaid's words; half wincing at being compared to what a kicked puppy would look like. That wasn't a manly sort of term at all, but Quinn couldn't really think about being actually offended by it. It bothered him simply because Nikki was seeing him that way, and Quinn didn't want to seem like a lesser creature to the mermaid. It did not sit well with him. The words that Nikki spoke made it better though. Of course Quinn couldn't be sure the exact meaning that the mermaid was getting to. Did Nikki mean that eventually it would be gotten over, just not quite yet?

It could go either way, those words. Quinn couldn't help but still be worried. He knew that he shouldn't hold onto hope; not when he'd been such a jackass and shoved away something so good. He'd blown it, and it was really true, that quote people always said; <i>'You don't know what you have until it's gone.'</i> It made so much sense here and now. And it pained him to think that as he looked at the mermaid, though he found himself a little perplexed at the -- was that embarressed? -- expression Nikki had before looking back up from having looked down. Oh no. Quinn was starting to feel a panic rise. Was the mermaid going to say something bad? Yet the words that came only perplexed Quinn a little more. At least for a moment, because it was all too clear what those words had meant by the way Nikki moved.

Quinn carefully went to slide his arm around the mermaid just before lips were on his. Quinn responded gently, hopefully, just before Nikki pulled back. He yearned to pull the mermaid back, yet after the words had come, he sighed softly and stepped closer, slowly going to brush a strand of Nikki's hair behind the mermaid's ear; Quinn's fingertips lingering lightly over Nikki's face. There were so many things Quinn wanted to say right now, but he took a little breath. "I care about you. I still have strong feelings for you, and I'd like to try to work things out if we can, if you want that..." He responded, his voice sincere. There was much to talk about still, because secrets just wouldn't do. Quinn needed to own up to the dark parts of his own life before he could proceed further into this. If Nikki was willing to give him another chance. One even Quinn knew he shouldn't get.

[NICOLE CAMERON CARTER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/w6MZf.png);] i'm gonna give all my secrets away nikki tried not to comment on the uncertainty he saw in tarquin's eyes. he had hoped that his words had calmed the firetamer, but apparently they hadn't. he just continued doing what he was doing, not wanting to falter and end up scaring him off in some odd way. it was more than nikki could have hoped for, for tarquin to show up like this. he'd expected never to see the other again, had prepared himself to run into the other on the street and not start crying . . . the mermaid felt almost as if he was in a dream. he'd had a dream similar to this before - it had been right after the breakup and he'd dreamed of them making up and having sex - and he was hoping that if this was a dream that he would never wake up. the arm that slid around him just before the kiss caused a shiver to run up nikki's spine. it felt like so long since anyone had really touched him anywhere that even his kissing was a little . . . inexperienced. his heart fluttered as he felt the other's lips move against his own. nikki had reluctantly pulled back from the kiss; he wished they could go on, but he didn't really know if they were going to be together again or not. he smiled and blushed a bit when he felt the hand brushing hair out of his face. the warmth lingered near his face and nikki wondered if maybe something was wrong. " i care about you. i still have strong feelings for you, and i'd like to try to work things out if we can, if you want that . . . " nikki moved his arms slightly to wrap them around tarquin's neck, smiling at him. " i'd like that . . . working things out, i mean. is it okay, though? that i'm . . . technically a boy? " he asked hesitantly. he figured that it was okay since quinn had come back and also wanted to make up, but he wanted to be sure. he wanted to know that tarquin knew what he was doing this time. nikki bit his lip nervously. he opened his mouth to ask something, but closed it again. it could wait until after quinn answered the other question. words: not enough - tags: prosie - outfit: link - notes: short D; sorry! wasn't much to really say

[TARQUIN FINLEY ELLIS]

At this point, it was doubtful that Nikki could scare Quinn off. It wasn't that easy, not now, not after knowing the secret he already did. There were some things that might do it, but these didn't even enter Quinn's mind. He had accepted that Nikki was born male and all that, so what more could there be? It was Quinn who had to worry over scaring the mermaid off, because he knew damn well his secrets were pretty damn bad. And he would have to tell Nikki those secrets before things got serious, if the mermaid wanted to give a relationship with him another try. It made Quinn quite nervous to think about, but he couldn't go further with anything and get more attached to have Nikki find out and then leave. That would hurt too much.

He doesn't think of anyone else while he's holding Nikki, simply too happy to have that chance again, if only briefly before the mermaid had pulled away. It took a lot of willpower not to pull Nikki back to him, but he couldn't push any of this. He did not know what was going to happen, if this could be fixed yet. But he had made it very clear that he wanted that. Wanted to try again, even if he did not deserve it. He just really wanted to be with Nikki, to be able to hold the mermaid's hand and wrap an arm around Nikki when the urge struck him. It might never be like that again, but Quinn was willing to risk telling things to the mermaid that he did not tell anyone for the chance that it could be that was again.

With Nikki's arms around his neck and the words spoken, Quinn's own arms curled lightly around the mermaid and he gave a small smile before aiming a light kiss to Nikki's forehead. "If it wasn't, then I wouldn't be asking to work things out." He pointed out gently. "Though I can't promise there won't be some awkward questions here and there on my part... but only because I'm not used to this situation. Obviously." Then he was quiet for a moment when the mermaid's mouth opened then closed without words, and it was Quinn's turn to pull back. He wanted this; to work it all out, but he had to come clean with something first and see how it went. Quinn hated saying it though; couldn't stand thinking about it, even. It made his stomach roll.

His fingers twitched nervously, and he looked at the ground uneasily. Finally he lifted his eyes again, trying to push the sick feeling back down. "Before you decide any further on this, I have to tell you... after we broke up, I slept with a girl. I was roofied so I don't remember much of anything, but that's not an excuse. I shouldn't have been drinking at all." He confessed quietly, looking all around unhappy over the whole matter. But he had to tell Nikki. He couldn't have kept it from the mermaid. And to tell Nikki this part now and see if it was enough to keep them apart was a good way to see if he should even bother telling the other, worse secrets. Because at least if his chances were gone after this confession, he wouldn't have to admit anything more.

[NICOLE CAMERON CARTER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width: 350px; padding: 10px; background-image: url(http://i.imgur.com/w6MZf.png);] i'm gonna give all my secrets away nikki blushed a little at the kiss to his forehead. he couldn't help it; after spending so long - it felt longer than it really was - trying to get over tarquin, get over the hurt from the breakup, that being in his arms again was . . . extremely nice. he hoped quinn felt the same way. being in this position again. nikki lifted his head up and let his chin rest against tarquin's chest as the male spoke. he smiled softly and let out a soft laugh. awkward questions? nikki could handle those; he'd been doing it his entire life. " i don't mind answering anything. besides, it was my fault for not telling you in the first place . . . so nothing's off - limits, mkay? " he said, wanting to make sure that quinn knew he was free to ask anything. though nikki was slightly ashamed of how confused he was, tarquin already knew about his situation. the firetamer knew and although he got mad at first, was forgiving him. the mermaid wasn't about to risk losing the other male again just because of some questions; no, he was going to try his best to keep quinn. now that he knew quinn was okay with nikki as he was, nikki was going to try to keep him. when tarquin moved away, a slight pout formed on nikki's face. he had been enjoying how they were. of course, all good things have to end, right? he noticed how nervous the other male looked, how he was avoiding looking into the mermaid's eyes. nikki wondered what could possibly be wrong; they were making up, weren't they? for a brief second nikki thought maybe quinn would ask him to get a sex change. he paled slightly at the thought. sure, he'd been considering it, but he didn't want any kind of pressure! luckily, that hadn't been what tarquin was going to say . . . but he didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing. " y-you . . . slept with someone . . . ? a girl? roofied? " he said in a strained voice, processing that. nikki wanted to should out at tarquin, but he realized . . . he didn't have a right to. they'd been split up; they had both been single. after a few moments, the shock wore off. nikki reached forward and gently held tarquin's hand, smiling gently. " it's . . . okay. i mean, we were split up, right? it was pretty clear . . . you were single. you were allowed to do whatever you wanted. plus, i . . . was kinda tempted to sleep with someone, too, but . . . " nikki shrugged a little. after what had happened with quinn, nikki hadn't been ready to reveal to anyone else what exactly was between his legs. " how exactly did you get roofied? did you find out? " words: not enough - tags: prosie - outfit: link - notes: ilovethem~

[TARQUIN FINLEY ELLIS]

Ah, that blush. It warmed him to see it, but then Quinn felt warm all over just to be this close to Nikki again. It didn't have to be much to make him happy, to keep him content. Of course Quinn did have to point out the fact that awkward questions would come, because the situation was what it was. Couldn't be helped, though Quinn would be careful about what he asked, because he did not want to say anything to upset Nikki. The thing was, Quinn would still need to know a few things in order to make this a comfortable relationship for the mermaid, as well as understand all of it more. Not that it needed to be figured out right now, because Quinn was going to ease back into this so long as Nikki was willing to give it another try. Just... so much had to be said and figured out first. That's where this was.

With the mermaid's response about the questions that would undoubtedly come in time, Quinn , glad to know he was able to ask anything about it. If there was something Nikki did not want to talk about, that was understandable too. Quinn would respect that if the mermaid told him the subject was better left alone. Quinn knows how that sort of thing went. "Alright." He finally says, not wanting to go into how the fight had gone before. They both had faults in it, and if they could move on from that, then Quinn would. It was just the whole thing of how they moved on from it. Hopefully the relationship could survive and go from here, but there was still things to be discussed on that first. To see if Nikki could deal with Quinn's past mistakes or not. Which Quinn couldn't hold it against the mermaid if it was too much. For most it would be.

Quinn wouldn't ask Nikki to get a sex change. That just seemed a bit much, didn't it? And the mermaid already knew Quinn had been with another male before, so it wasn't really about that sort of thing. Quinn wasn't sure how he would deal with the idea of Nikki getting a sex change just now. He would accept it if someday the mermaid wanted that and was still with him -- of course Quinn hoped they'd still be together -- but it would be strange for him. Yet the whole thing was a little different anyway, and Quinn was dealing just fine with it now. No pressure when it came to those things. Big life changes like that which couldn't be gone back on -- or maybe they could in a way, but Quinn couldn't really wrap his mind around those things now -- they needed to be thought out, and Quinn wasn't going to say anything either way.

What Quinn had to say to Nikki right now was nothing like that. It was hard to get the words out, and he already felt quite ashamed over the matter for so many reasons. First, because he let himself get into that situation, and then because of who it was with, and also because he didn't want to hurt Nikki at all by it, even if they hadn't been together at the time. Either way, it still bothered Quinn to have done it; right mind or not. And of course then came Nikki's response to being told, and the strained voice had made Quinn go cold. He already felt horrible, and this wasn't making it better. He said nothing in those moments of silence, waiting for whatever Nikki said, and if the mermaid could move past this or not. It was a difficult and long few moments to be standing there, trying not to panic.

It was when Nikki reached for his hand that Quinn felt like he could breathe again, and he looked at the mermaid, still nervous over the matter. But he listened to what Nikki had to say and nodded. "I hadn't intended to do any such thing..." But what would saying that matter now? It was done and over. But it still would haunt him. There'd been a twitch at the idea of Nikki sleeping with someone, but obviously Quinn couldn't be upset over it. Kinda stung, but it would have been a valid option. At the question of how he got roofied and how he found out, he frowned. "I had a beer at a club. Not really my thing, but my friend dragged me out..." Because I was moping, whatever. He sighed. "And I wasn't paying attention. I don't remember much other then waking up, freaking out and getting my ass over to the hospital to see what happened. They found traces of the drugs in my system." His tone was bland, uncomfortable. All of it was, honestly.

[JURATE]

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