as closed down as i am sometimes | Judas

[BASIL XAIDEN PRIOR]

There had been plenty of changes to his life since his trip to England, and through even the difficult things; he was dealing. Mostly it was all about keeping his mind busy and staying occupied enough to not think of the bad parts. Nell was gone, which he supposed he should have seen coming eventually. She always hinted that it would happen, and since he couldn't convince her that he'd go if she needed him to, then it had to be for the best that she had decided to just go. He would always be her friend if she needed it; let her crash in a guest bedroom if she came back to Manuka and all that. Yet Basil had accepted a long time ago that the relationship would never be any kind of normal. Plus, Basil knew that a lot of it was his fault. Unresolved issues, hesitations... There was a list he could make out of it all, but he liked to not think about it much if he could help it. Which is where running the aquarium had come in, and that seemed to be doing pretty well. He'd had his house built -- if you could call it simply a house -- and it was finally done and a place to be able to live in.

On top of that, he had finished up the online courses for his MBA, and got to the point where he was able to safely and mostly comfortably go to an actual college campus for classes. Well, he did need to be more social and try to be a proper halfway normal citizen, right? He was working on that. He had a way to go with it, but this was a start. Been clean from human blood for months, which had been it's own ordeal in itself getting to that point and staying there. The urge was now a dull roar in the back of his mind when he got too close to people, though Basil had been refraining from getting any closer then a handshake distance -- when doing anything big at the aqaurium or with dealing with having the house finished -- to anyone. He wanted to get his life more in order before he even thought about being with someone again. There was no rush, he had a lot of time. For now, he would fill his time with more schooling in various subjects -- photography right now -- and the important things.

And top priority had been being able to see Sabriel. It had taken months of trying to get Judas to allow it until he got to this. Once every two weeks. Not great, but it was a start and Basil wasn't going to complain over it. Not when he'd finally broken Judas down enough to even have that. He had a room decked out for Sabriel already and all was in order for when the day finally came that he could spend time with her. There had been an empty sort of ache since Judas had taken Sabriel. Basil had loved that little baby unconditionally, no matter how messed up the situation was that created her. He tried to keep it from his mind, and most days he succeeded. More then anything he was glad that Emaleth wasn't anywhere near Manuka and had no interest in Sabriel. Basil didn't think he was more grateful for anyhting in his life then that. He would do anything to keep that little girl safe and away from the horrid creature that had ruined so much.

After packing a diaper bag all up with everything he thought he would need and everything Judas had said he would need, Basil had set to fitting the carseat into the back of his SUV. It took a few minutes for him to make sure it was done right; he was a bit paranoid over it, to be honest. Finally, with that done, Basil had started the drive over to Judas' place. It would be the first time actually seeing the merman since Judas took Sabriel, so that in itself was nerve-wrecking. So many conflicting emotions ran through him as he got ever closer. Parking once he got there, he took a breath, tapping his fingers nervously on the steering wheel and mentally going through the list of stuff he knew he already had. Then he was out of the car and at the door before he could allow himself to overthink everything; knocking on the door and waiting. Telling himself to behave and say nothing that could be considered insulting. For Sabriel's sake, and because he did not want this chance to see her to be ripped away.

[JUDAS LEVI SAGAR]

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SHAKE FREE OVER TIME,

[style=width: 380px; text-align: justify; color: acacac; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; line-height: 90%;]With a small groan, Judas opened his eyes to the sound of crying. For some reason, that happened often and Judas worried. Opening his eyes, the merman sat up, looking at the baby in the crib near his bed. It was insane, he thought this every time he looked at the little baby girl, that he even had a child. It was his. The thought made his chest tighten up. He had picked her up a couple of months back, but she was still so little. He didn't think it, but Judas had fallen in love with the girl. Because she was just a baby, and no matter what a bad person her mother was, Judas would bring her up right. A small smile played on his lips as he uncovered is legs, shivering a little in the cold and walked over to the crib, picking up the girl gently into his arms. He rocked her easily, his blue eyes fixed on her face almost in wonder as he always did. "Shh, shh Sabriel love." He murmured, before humming a quiet tune to calm her down. She seemed to like the humming, and that was a really promising thing, because no matter how good Judas might seem with a baby, he was so far out of his depth.

The girl seemed to be calming down, and that pleased him. She was doing well this morning, and it was seven, so just the right time to wake up anyway. Her tiny eyes flickered as her breathing evened, and that made him feel a lot better. He rocked her for a little longer, making sure that she was asleep before he put her back in her crib gently. Sabriel would wake him up a few times a night, whether it was to eat, or the fact that she might feel strange in a place she's never been, or maybe in pain sometimes. Every time Judas wondered if there was something wrong and if he was missing something, but he certainly hoped not. Looking around, he moved to peek through the curtain, noting the sun that graced the parking lot next to their apartment building. He had been quite lucky, that Caroline, the woman who had gotten him off the streets seemed to understand a baby situation, which meant that he would take a break from college, and be able to look after Sabriel. He didn't want to leave her with a nanny, a stranger. Call him over protective.

Moving to his wardrobe, the merman pulled out some clothes, not making too much effort. Slipping into comfortable sweatpants and a t-shirt, he glanced at the crib once more before heading out of the room, leaving the door open so he could hear if she woke up. Today would be a stressful day for him. He was getting used to being a father, not matter the odds. He was trying his best, and he hoped he wasn't failing too badly, but then there were people that wanted to see her that he didn't want seeing her. Namely Basil. With a small huff, he moved to make his daughter some milk, since obviously breast feeding was out of the question, and he made himself some coffee in the mean time. He knew that she'd be up again at any moment. Which he was right. About half an hour later, there were noises from his room, and he walked in to see the bright blue eyes of the girl staring at him. She had his eyes. He loved that about her. Putting the bottle on a cabinet, he moved to pick her up again, before taking it back. He put the bottle to her mouth, and she sucked on it greedily, her toothless mouth taking in the liquid which he was careful not to get over himself.

When she finished, he pulled up upright, and rubbed her back until she burped. Really, he would have had no idea how to do any of this stuff unless he had such good friends helping him. When he had picked up Sabriel from Basil all those months ago, he had been horrified and terrified, but he knew that a child didn't deserve to be with any of the Priors. He thought that he was taking pity on the baby, but really it was a part of him, and he had to love her. Which he did. He would raise her well, he'd make sure of it. But this brings the issue of the vampire wanting to see her. After months of asking, Judas decided that one day every two weeks would be okay for Basil to take her. He was scared, he was actually scared that Basil would take her from him and not give her back. Doesn't matter that he was the one to give her to him in the first place. Judas knew that those people were no good, but the man's argument had been that he and Sabriel are family. Judas was sceptical, but agreed to it. This would be the first time he'd seen the man too.

It had been funny, because the baby clothes that came with her soon had to be changed, so Judas had gone shopping. It was the most hilarious sight, that the shopping assistants took pity on him, and helped him buy stuff for her. He had been grateful. He smiled at Sabriel as she smiled at him, before putting her down on his own bed, where her little blanket was placed over his covers, before he moved to find some clothes for her too. Basil would be here at any moment, and this made Judas feel very uneasy, but he carried on. He pulled out some clothes, mostly pink, and put it next to her on the bed. The merman had had to learn how to change a nappy too, which he did right then. It had been scary at the start, but now he was used to it, and it all seemed okay. After he changed the nappy, he dressed her, and put the dummy in her mouth, putting her onto her stomach. She could hold her head up now, but not yet sit up.

Keeping an eye on her, he pulled out a bag to put some of her stuff in. A change of clothes if she'd need it, nappies no matter if Basil would have some, toys and everything a baby would need that he knew of. Then there was a knock on the door, and Judas stood up, picking up Sabriel and the bag, making his way down the stairs. He dropped the bag onto the floor by the sofa, but didn't put Sabriel down, as not to keep the man waiting for long. Moving to the door, Judas opened it, his eyes settling on Basil for the first time in months. He didn't smile, his blue eyes cold as he left the door open for the male, clinging to his baby. "Hey. Come in, and can you close the door behind you?" He asked, since he didn't want Sabriel to get a cold or something. He had a small play area for her in the living room, so putting her down on the soft material, he turned to the vampire, not really sure what to say. "Do you want anything? Coffee?" Judas was the epitome of politeness, but you knew that he wasn't comfortable just because of his awkward stance and a shift of his shoulders.

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[style=padding-top: 3px; padding-bottom: 3px; text-align: center; font-family: wire one; text-transform: uppercase; font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 2px; color: white;]TAG: prose/basil! NOTES: excited! WORDS: sorry for length! i had muse!

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thanks, ginny weasley from caution 2.0!

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[BASIL XAIDEN PRIOR]

Even in the short while that Basil had cared for Sabriel, he could still feel the emptiness of her loss. Not that she wasn't okay, for he was sure that with Judas she was perfectly fine. Rather, it was the fact that he missed her dearly, and that short time with her had made all the difference. It changed things. How he looked at a few different situations, and the fact that he couldn't ignore her existence, even if that meant he had to deal with seeing Judas here and there to be there for Sabriel. These were the choices he had. To overcome it and deal with having to see the merman on a sort of regular basis, or to keep pretending that Judas did not exist and therefore could not make him want what he couldn't -- and should never -- have. But that was at the cost of giving up being there for Sabriel. Something that was far too high a price for Basil to deal with. He could not let his own issues be in the way. He would not let those hangups get in the way of this, of being there for Sabriel. At least as much as Judas would allow. Every two weeks wasn't much, but it was a start. He would embrace that, because maybe in time there could be more visits. Until then he would occupy himself with business and college.

It might be true that Basil wasn't all that great with babies -- mostly due to not being around them much at all -- but he really did try. He put forth all his effort to ensure he did what was best. Certainly when he had Sabriel. He'd even hired a nanny to keep an eye out for those few days -- though not alone -- though Nell had helped too. But she had gone soon after Basil had handed Sabriel over to Judas. Not that Basil could blame her, not when she had quite a good idea after that day what was going through Basil's mind. And of course he couldn't lie to Nell about anything she asked; which was pretty uncomfortable, to be honest. So that had ended, probably because Nell seemed to believe being around her brought on Mia's wrath. But Basil wasn't scared of Nell's mother. He had his own demons to face -- read; his own mother, not that he wants to claim her as such -- and so Mia did not seem like that much of a problem to face. Yet Nell hadn't wanted him to face it with her, and so Basil could do nothing more in that matter. He would have gone with Nell, but he also wouldn't have tried to stop her if she needed to go alone. Which was how it happened. But it really had bothered him, and he wished it could have been different. He simply had known that he did not deserve anyone like Nell.

He was able to function better around people, though that did not mean he was ready to try anything with anyone yet. There were levels of control to being a vampire, and although he had gotten ahold of most of those that came up on a day to day basis, there were some that he hadn't yet truly encountered. Mostly those on an intimate nature, thus he was wary of trying at all. Perhaps he simply needed to be more worrisome of the lives put into his hands. Until there was that, Basil wasn't going to risk it. Unfortunatly for him, he had no intentions of getting so close to anyone else at this point in time. He would rather just figure out his own life and manage that with all the things that came into it without his trying. Like with Sabriel. He knew he would have no problem with any kind of control around her simply because of how much she really mattered to him. How much he already loved her. That sort of thing did not extend to random people that he did not know well. Basil did not often care enough for his flings to think he could just have them now without all the risks. Though yeah, it was often a difficult temptation for him to resist. He was who he was, after all. However, there had been so many things Basil had to control because of what he had become. And since the blood issue was the worst part of it, and he was almost fully past that in normal circumstances -- when not around open wounds and such -- he couldn't complain too much. Out loud, anyway.

Basil couldn't say if Sabriel wouldn't be alright with any of the Priors, because he still felt that Harper turned out alright, if not a bit of a gypsy thing going on. Of course the lifestyle seemed normal enough to him given the circumstances. After all, he'd spent a good amount of time running from Emaleth. Though Harper's need to wander was more then that. Always had been something wild about the girl, but never did he see anything mean about his older sister. Then again there was always the arguement that going with the traditional taking on of a father's lastname, that had Harper and Basil been to do that, they wouldn't be Priors in name. It just didn't happen that way, and Emaleth had given them both her lastname instead. Not that Basil could even spell the last name of his supposed 'father' anyway. The male had never even been met. Basil did have a copy image of a picture though. Which did not cease to amuse him. For... many reasons. He supposed that he did have the male's eye color, but that seemed to be it. Everything else had carried strongly from his mother's side. Maybe his interest in schooling and intelligence had to do more with his father's side. Who knew? Obviously Xerin should have been smart enough to see Emaleth for what she was firsthand, but then again, Basil could see how that wouldn't have worked well. Anyhing regarding Emaleth was all sorts of fucked up. So yeah. She should not be allowed to have anything to do with any kind of baby. Ever.

Sure, he did want to keep Sabriel. Basil had hoped that Judas would have decided a baby was too much -- that the whole thing was, as Basil pretty much thought that -- and did not want to keep Sabriel. Yet that hadn't happened, and Basil couldn't keep the baby from her father. Not when he knew the ache of loss of a daughter himself. Something he wasn't too fond of talking about or even admitting to anyone. There weren't a terrible many people that knew about the fact that he'd lost a daughter, and he liked to keep it that way. The only person he'd actually told -- that hadn't been around or found out some other way -- was Nell. Not that there had been much choice on telling the story after the stunt that Emaleth had pulled. Basil still felt sick to his stomach to think of it. But it had gotten him to England, and because of that, he was able to get Sabriel away from Emaleth. Though that hadn't been difficult. She hadn't wanted the child after she realized the whole 'it has fins' side of Sabriel. Almost amusing that Emaleth hadn't known Judas was a merman when things had happened. If she had known, maybe Judas would have been safer. Or perhaps he'd be dead instead. Basil doesn't know, and he didn't want to. Reality of the situation was bad enough. For all of them.

It was a bracing few minutes, waiting for Judas to come to the door. It could have been a roommate instead, but Basil hadn't detected more then two heartbeats -- Judas and Sabriel -- in the apartment. Still, depending on distance, that could have been off. There still could have been someone else there. When the door opened, Basil's gaze flickered over Judas, then quickly to Sabriel as not to stare at the man. But with Judas moving and leaving the door open, Basil walked in and closed the door as he heard the merman's words with a 'sure'. Keeping his facial features smoothed over, he paused in step to watch as Judas put Sabriel down on the play area. It was for that brief spanse of time that Basil did look the merman over; how could he not when the male was leaning over? It was a bit unavoidable with how attractive Basil still found Judas. Again, not something he wanted to admit, or even hint to around the merman. It was going to be difficult seeing Judas -- even every two weeks -- with that in mind. Not to mention the fact that Basil couldn't be a jackass to push the male away simply because doing that would make Judas less apt to letting Basil see Sabriel. That was not something that Basil wanted to have happen. He might not show it, but family meant everything to him. Of course, with that said, Basil did not consider Emaleth family in any real sense. She was only considered a link to what was or could be family.

The vibe in the apartment seemed a bit tense when Judas turned back to him, and Basil looked at Sabriel before glancing back to the merman at the offer of something; coffee. It wasn't something he drank all that often -- energy drinks were better in his opinion -- but he also did not want to be rude and turn it down. Though he had to wonder if Judas would even mind at all if he declined. Probably not. Still, thirty seconds to decide, and so he gave a half shrug of his shoulders. "Sure, that would be fine." He answered evenly, keeping a level gaze on the merman. He paused, eyes moving to Sabriel again. "Do you have her on any kind of routine? Naps, feeding times or anything?" He inquired, figuring it would be good to know, and also try to keep Sabriel on it. Could put Judas more at ease to know that Basil was really trying to ensure he kept the merman's wants on the matter in mind. At least to a degree, since obviously Judas wasn't keen on letting Basil take Sabriel at all. Basil just wanted to make it all easier. "And I have the children's clinic on speed-dial in case, though I would think she's a hardy little thing, considering..." And of course Basil would be over-protective as hell of her, and probably overly careful no matter what. Even if she might have better healing because of the vampire side. Which led to all sorts of questions still, though not ones he felt would make Judas very comfortable talking about just yet. But there had to be questions. Sabriel was a ... strange mix.

[JUDAS LEVI SAGAR]

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SHAKE FREE OVER TIME,

[style=width: 380px; text-align: justify; color: acacac; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; line-height: 90%;]In all honesty, it was weird seeing the vampire again, since it has been several months since he was handed over Sabriel. Because then Judas had been tired, and pissed off, and shocked as hell. But now he was calm, and just feeling tired of dealing with the man. Which was why he was being civil, to spare himself some sanity, as well as the fact that if he was going to hand off his daughter to the male he should at least act like he doesn't want to tuck her away and hide her and keep her to himself. With a short sigh, Judas nodded when Basil agreed to the coffee, glancing at his child for a moment. "Watch her for a minute, please?" He asked, as much as it pained him. But he had to trust Basil. No, wait, scratch that, Judas didn't trust him as far as he could throw him, but if he was going to give her to him for the whole day, there had to be some progress. Not that that won't stop him worrying none the less. Moving in a carefully practiced way, he could see the living room area from the kitchen, and he knew you could see into the kitchen from over there. His hands moved expertly, not getting any water on himself what so ever, because it was mechanical now. Judas was always careful, it was like it was inbuilt. Making just one cup, he was back a few minutes later.

Handing to cup to Basil, Judas was very carefully holding the handle, his eyes on his own hands rather than looking at the man. "Here you go." Judas would avoid anything that would make him spill any liquid on himself, he still remembered those cruel words and videos that he was sent by Basil himself, but also he remembered the first time they met in the Museum after California, and the whole falling into the fountain thing. Judas shuddered, not wanting to remember the event. He went to sit by Sabriel, picking her up and placing her gently onto his lap, letting her grip his fingers easily as he smiled down at her. Despite how Judas got her, he really has gotten attached to her. He loved her a lot, his little girl. He would pretend that she doesn't have a mother, and if she ever asks, he doesn't know what he'll say, but certainly not the truth. Tell her that she isn't here so she isn't important. Then Basil was asking about routine, and Judas took a moment to think about it, lightly rocking her in his arms as he bit his bottom lip in thought. "Well, bath time is around eight, so if you could bring her back before then." It was certainly something for Judas to give her a bath. Sometimes if he didn't fancy getting in with her, he'd wear rubber gloves as not to get wet, but sometimes he would get in the bath with her, tail and all, gently washing her. At first he had been so lost when he needed to give her a bath, he had called up Kentley to help him out while he panicked, but soon he figured it out. When in the bath, her little tail would also come out, and there was no way he was going to let bath time happen at Basil's, he didn't need his distaste for the tails of merpeople affect Sabriel. Or maybe it was a personal hate to do with Judas, he didn't know, but he'd rather not risk it.

"Other than that, she feeds every three or four hours, I suppose you should change her nappy whenever you sense it's full, several times in one day ... she sleeps a lot, since she's still so little, so there's no routine, but she usually sleeps right after eating." All of those words were low and murmured, but Judas was sure that Basil could pick them up from where he was sitting. Silence settled then, but Judas didn't really notice it as the girls eyes drooped just as she was in his arms, and he hoped that she felt protected. Not that Judas was strong at all, even though the muscles in his arms suggested different. He wasn't strong physically or mentally, and he just hoped that he could be enough for Sabriel. He had come to terms with the cowardly trait in his personality, but then he hadn't had Sabriel, and now everything's changed, because Judas knew that he'd give up everything for her. It was a little strange to think of her as half vampire, and half mermaid, as well as Basil's half sister. It was such an insane mix that it really made his head spin. When Basil spoke next, Judas glanced up at the vampire, and there was actual amusement in his usually dead blue eyes. Just a small spark, but it was there. Judas really wasn't sure whether Basil was serious or trying too hard. Well, at least he was trying at all.

"That's promising to hear." There was a tiny quirk up of the corner of his mouth, not quite a smile. "Yes, I suppose she would be quite hardy, but I'm thinking that it won't come to the need for a baby clinic." Judas's eyes looked right at the vampire then, all seriousness now. "If something does happen, today or two weeks from today, or whatever, you call me, okay?" Judas needed the reassurance that he would be told if something happened to his girl, he wanted to be on speed dial right next to that baby clinic just in case. He didn't care if his number was removed off there the moment Sabriel was back in his arms, but he needed to know that he would be aware of anything happening to Sabriel that would need such attention, because Basil was right. Sabriel would be hard to infect, or hurt, just of what she is, so if anything were it happen, it would have to be serious. Judas leaned back against his couch, completely comfortable on the ground with his legs crossed, and he looked down at Sabriel for a moment, and there was something pressing at his mind to ask. "Basil ... why do you want to be in her life?" His tone was not accusing, not even curious, he just wanted to know that his reasons for sticking around would not hurt her. The last thing Judas would think of is himself when it came to Sabriel, but for her he would take all precautions. He just hoped that Basil would be able to give the right answer. Judas's searching gaze was back on the vampire. But Judas realised he didn't really know Basil that well, so he could genuinely want to be there for her. He guessed he'd find out.

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thanks, ginny weasley from caution 2.0!

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[BASIL XAIDEN PRIOR]

Basil hadn't expected Judas to not be pissed off and shocked over the whole matter when it was told to the merman. It was a big thing, and it had been quite a shock -- and yeah, he'd been pretty mad over it too -- when Basil found out about Sabriel. To know that Emaleth had allowed such a thing to happen after everything. More ways to spite him, certainly. But this seemed to be the way that Emaleth worked, and Basil was sure there was no way for her to shock him more then she already had. In all the ways that she had throughout his life. It had been one thing after another over the years until he had tried to break away. Not that it helped or mattered, because life had gone downhill after that. He'd been hunted down by her, and Basil was so tired of her cat and mouse games. But he hadn't been able to end her. That eluded him, and he had to wonder if he would ever be able to do such a thing. Wipe her right off the face of the earth. It was a goal, yet one that was so hard to reach. She was stronger then him, better at her skills merely because she used them and she used them often. They could be worked for such horrible things, and even Basil couldn't say he was completely guiltless, because he wasn't. He'd felt the allure of the power he could control, and he'd given into it before. Though at least he had given it up; did his best to resist it and keep it from happening again.

So far, everything was going pretty well in Basil's opinion. It was only a few minutes in to having seen Judas again in months, but no snarky insults had really come to mind yet, and Basil was too preoccupied with making sure he had everything ready and covered for when he took Sabriel. That was his concern and priority right now, not the need to push Judas away. For now, Basil knew he couldn't do that with the merman and still be able to see Sabriel, and so Basil would do his best to give up on that. He would try to ignore Judas the best he could without being impolite. But he was finding that to be difficult. Being this close almost made his fingers itch, and Basil kept an even mind to force those feelings away. Focusing on Sabriel kept such thoughts at bay, and so when asked to watch her, he gave a dip of his head, his gaze rivited on the child while Judas went for the coffee. He stooped down a little to talk to Sabriel -- words he knew she wouldn't really understand, but it doesn't matter to Basil -- and straightened when Judas returned a few minutes later with the coffee. He accepted the cup just as carefully, knowing how bad this whole thing could go if it were to spill. Which came to the fact that Basil had the slightest want to do it, if only it wasn't a hot beverage. He didn't actually want to see Judas harmed, of course. "Thank you." He said lightly.

He noted the shudder -- his senses were attuned to be able to catch the simplest of movements -- but he did not let on that he'd seen at all; instead taking a drink of the coffee and letting his eyes shift away. Awkward, and usually he was so good with awkward. Guess this was the exception. Good to know. It made sense, the fact that Judas might be edgy around Basil and liquids at the same time. He does remember the day he'd found out about Judas' tail. He'd been so stunned by the revelation he'd done what came too naturally to him; push. Be cold and cruel. And oh, he had. It had worked rather well in Basil's opinion, though. However, it was a horrid, blaring red mark against him now when it came to being able to see Sabriel. He had to wonder just how Judas felt about the fact that he wanted anything to do with Sabriel at all because of how he'd reacted to the merman's fins and the fact that Sabriel was half that. Mermaid and vampire. Odd, strange.. messed up. But hey, Basil didn't actually feel too bothered about the mermaid part. He was more concerned about the vampire part, honestly. There are things he wants to ask, but watching as Judas picked the little girl up and smiled at her, Basil was reluctant to point out too many things that could be upsetting to think about. Yet these were things that it might be good to know if he was going to be spending time with Sabriel. He needed to figure out how to put some questions lightly. He doesn't want to draw attention back to the origins of the baby if it didn't need to be done.

Basil didn't want to think about the questions that might come later when Sabriel was at the age to realize she didn't have a mother. He certainly did not want to give answers, because he had nothin nice to say about Emaleth. Of course with Judas' lifestyle, he had to wonder what kind of questions would come over the whole 'gay' thing. Again, not something he would be very comfortable discussing with anyone, let alone a child. Nope. 'Go ask your father' was going to become a phrase he figured he'd often be saying to Sabriel. There was a blink when Judas spoke of Sabriel's bath time, and bringing her back before then, and an eyebrow was raised. "It's not like I forgot to give her baths when I had her, Judas." He pointed out quietly. Another gulp of the coffee and fleeting eyes from the merman. "But sure, before eight." He wasn't gonna push it. He even bit back the words on how she'd love his pool eventually, since it was flipping huge. Unfortunatly it wasn't quite finished yet. It had been in the words for a few months now -- the house and all that -- but those things took time. Basil was just happy that he could live in the house finally. Of course he still did keep the other, simple house. Partly because the rabbits lived in the backyard barn, and partly because if Nell ever came back, she'd be able to find him that way. Though it probably wouldn't be difficult to find where he lived now. He did have both the aquarium and casino and that could trace back to him.

Again, back to the coffee, not really thinking about it, letting it just happen as a reflex. He listens to what Judas says on the routine or lack thereof, nodding to all that. Nothing that was hard to remember; the general baby things, he'd suppose. And okay, so he was a little paranoid about making sure everything was all set for Sabriel, all bases covered. He couldn't help that though; he wanted the best for her. He never wanted to see her hurt, but if it were to happen, Basil wanted to be prepared. Even though he thought she would have a good upper hand compared to human children because of her vampire blood and how well they could heal. But Basil doesn't know how the blood mixes, what goes over and what doesn't. Guess he'd find out with Sabriel. Either way, he was going to have a backup plan with doctors and clinics in case something ever went wrong. He looked as Judas as the merman spoke about something happening. "Of course." He answered, as if it were obvious that he would make sure Judas knew right away if anything were to happen. One of those 'what the hell do you take me for?' kind of looks for a second before he drank more of the coffee. Then came Judas' question and Basil looked from the merman to Sabriel. "Because I care about her... I love her. I want her to have everything she needs, be there to help her if she's confused on certain... vampire things." There was a sigh, a grimace. "And I want to help protect her." Because if Emaleth ever came back, Basil couldn't stomach the thought that something could happen. "I bet it'll be quite nerve wrecking when she starts teething..." The words just sort of came without thinking, but it was something that had been going through his mind.

[JUDAS LEVI SAGAR]

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SHAKE FREE OVER TIME,

[style=width: 380px; text-align: justify; color: acacac; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; line-height: 90%;]There was no doubt that Judas's love for Sabriel was whole. Actually, that had always been his problem, because when Judas loved he loved so fully, that he would give his whole heart away. He supposed there have been a couple of people he'd fully loved, one of them being Jason who he managed to ruin it with. He supposed that is the relationship he regretted ending the most, if only because of the way it had ended. With buckets of guilt at Judas's end. But also, Judas, for all the friends he had, he knew that none of them loved him fully. Even Jason hadn't, and however it might have seemed - it was a mere delusion. Therefore, that was why he was keeping Sabriel so close. His own child who he would adore would be the one to love him, and he didn't need anyone else. Because it didn't matter how it came to be, or what she was, she was his. His own flesh and blood. Of course, it didn't come without difficulty. He found it so challenging to be a father, and to some extent he was glad to have somewhat of a break, even if it was for a day. Judas didn't feel bad about that, because everyone needed a break now and again.

Judas only nodded at Basil's thank you, and honestly, all of this felt really forced. Like maybe they were trying so hard to be civil for the sake of Sabriel, but Judas just could not be bothered to be sarcastic. He was done defending himself, and Basil wasn't saying anything horrid to him, but he was sure that was more to do with putting trust in him to look after Sabriel. After all, she had a tail too ... if he said anything negative about Judas that would mean that he'd be thinking the same thing about the little girl. He settled against the sofa comfortably, his eyes that were once bright and happy, dulled and aged to some extent from all he'd been through. He shifted his gaze between Sabriel and Basil whenever he spoke. When the man said he'd given the girl baths before, Judas narrowed his eyes only minutely, and tilted his head. "I suppose you have. But now is now, and it would make me feel more ... comfortable." He spoke, his words not at all biting, merely factual. He would feel more comfortable, because he felt very protective of who he was, and Sabriel was just like him only different.

Honestly, Judas was rather worried about the other side of her. The vampire side that he's only ever really encountered when his best friend's throat was being ripped out by the woman who ruined him, and he's never even seen Basil's fangs. Sabriel would start teething, and for that he was actually the smallest bit glad that Basil had taken an interest. As much as it would hurt his pride to ask for help, Judas could swallow it for the sake his of daughter. Oh how far the cowardly merman has come, pushing the fear of everything away because it was just naively, and innocence he no longer possessed. That was ripped away from him, and the man who was weak and and a coward grew out of it to become much braver. It was a pleasing change, although the means to get there were less than preferable. His index finger was gripped in Sabriel's tiny fingers, and his eyes were on Basil for much longer since the moment he had come in. And it kind of washed over him as to what it took to get here. They had met as strangers, when Judas was still a teen, and now ... now they were strangers too. He supposed that made him feel better. They certainly were not friends, but they both had the same interest at heart. Which was why Judas allowed him to be here, although his question about why he wanted to be in his daughter's life might have seemed rude.

Judas listened intently to the males words, chewing on his lower lip absent mindedly as the girl looked up at him with bright blue eyes. He was glad that she had his eyes, it would remind him less of her mother. The merman nodded. "I suppose I'm just curious ... because well, she's the product of a woman you hate and a man you can barely stand. But I'm not saying that your feelings of love and protection aren't genuine." Judas sighed a little, and shifted where his leg was starting to go numb, stretching them in front of him in a more comfortable position. When Basil mentioned teething, Judas didn't really know how to respond initially, but a ghost of a smile flickered across his lips. "Well, I mean, it's a good thing I'm not breast feeding ..." He didn't know why, but the joke was very out of character for him. Maybe he wanted to ease the situation down a little bit, he didn't know, but he literally said the first thing that came to his mind. He didn't comment further, he doesn't tell him if he does or does not appreciate the help. Even though Judas had made a joke, his shoulders were still rather stiff. Moving to get up, with Sabriel in his arms, he walked towards the vampire male. He was going to give her to him eventually. "Here ... if I take your cup you should take her ... Since I'm sure you don't want to waste daylight hours before getting what you're here for." He spoke softly, moving to place the girl into Basil's arms gently, an unpleasant lurch in the pit of his his stomach of distrust, but he knew that this had to be done.

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[style=padding-top: 3px; padding-bottom: 3px; text-align: center; font-family: wire one; text-transform: uppercase; font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 2px; color: white;]TAG: prose/basil! NOTES: jesus your posts are long! WORDS: 971

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thanks, ginny weasley from caution 2.0!

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[BASIL XAIDEN PRIOR]

every single time i see you i start to feel this way;
makes me wonder if i'm ever gonna feel this way again~

Basil had never been good at loving someone entirely. There had been times where it could have gotten to that point, but there was much that could hold him back. A lot of things had held him back. He might have been able to really love Rosalina in time, if things hadn't gone so wrong. He was almost certain he would have married her if life hadn't been so cruel, if he hadn't been so stupid when life got real. Not to say he wasn't glad that hadn't happened to a degree. It would have been difficult to hold onto any feelings that had been there in the beginning, and maybe, eventually, he would have grown to disliking her. He really couldn't be sure about any of that. He knows that he wouldn't have been able to love Vega, or so many of the others that had come and gone from his life. Maeh? Yeah, she had gotten pretty close; but by then Basil knew better to allow anyone to get that far. He'd always held her at arms reach because they both weren't big on commitments. Not then. Dylan was... complicated, and not something he could let himself consider. But yeah, maybe. Basil had loved Nell, but those final few steps couldn't be taken because he'd never fully let go of the feelings he had for Judas. And those had come as such a surprise to him. Basil wasn't even quite sure how it had happened. But he had freaked out before he knew how he actually felt on the matter, and ran from it.

And Sabriel... Sabriel had gotten as completely as Basil could give family. It hadn't been blocked, couldn't be messed with because of her origins. None of that could touch how much he cared for the little girl. It wasn't like Basil had much in the way of family to give that sort of love to, and so it had to fall on Sabriel. Not to mention the fact that Basil would give his life for the child if it came to that; no questions asked. That had been instant when he saw her, though complications were there due to how she'd come into being, sure. It didn't touch how he felt for her, not really. It gave another odd level to it, and maybe it was because Judas was Sabriel's father that did something more to how he felt on the whole thing. Upset on what Judas had to go through when it all happened, yes. But other things, too. Something more then the whole brotherly love thing; though it wasn't just that which made Basil want to care for Sabriel as a daughter, too. There were so many things that added up to how he felt for Sabriel, and he wasn't certain he could ever explain them. He didn't want to have to explain it all, not to anyone. Better to keep it simple.

Still, even with the want to keep Sabriel if things were different; Basil would find it hard to deal with. He wasn't much of a father figure, no matter how much he wanted to believe he could be. And fine, maybe he could be a good father if given the chance, but he didn't exactly think he should have that chance. Why should he with everything he's done? He'd lived a fucked up life, and that kept things difficult on the front of children in any situation he found himself in. He couldn't knowingly have a kid simply to have one, no matter on if the thought had crossed his mind more then once. Because yeah, Basil had given it a thought. Whatever. It wasn't like he could actually go through with such a thing, though. Not that he had been aware it could be a possiblity until sort of recently, yet that wasn't the point. When it came down to it, Basil had to realize the fact that he didn't deserve any of those happy endings. Perhaps he'd sabotaged his relationship with Nell because of that fact. It was something he felt deep down because of all the horrible things he'd done, though he did not want to admit it to himself, let alone anyone else. Though there came a point in everyone's life when you had to face the truth. Might as well be now, be then; he had to live with it for a long time, being what he was.

This whole thing was pretty forced, yes. Basil was forcing himself to be civil, to not push anymore then he already had so he wouldn't be cut out of Sabriel's life. It was one of the last things he could cling to. The only real thing that would make anything, any of this life worth it, if only he could do something for her. If she could have a good life, and he could help make it so. What else was he worth now, at this point? Nothing. No one was going to miss him when he was gone. Maybe Sabriel would. Maybe she would care if something happened to him. That was something, right? If he could matter, even just to her, then it would make all the difference in the world to him. Having been pulled from the thoughts by Judas' comment on the bath thing, Basil gave a shrug; he'd already agreed to bring Sabriel back before eight. No need to really feed into an arguement over it. But this was Basil, and he couldn't just leave it alone fully. He was what he was, after all. "But when she's old enough, I'm not going to tell her she can't swim in the pool." He points out blandly, not hint of a joke in his tone. Let Judas think on that however he wanted to.

Basil wasn't all that keen on discussing the features of Sabriel and where she got what. She might have the blue that most babies did at this point, and maybe it would stick to Judas' blue color instead of the aquamarine of Emaleth's, but Basil didn't think that sort of thing mattered. They both had a form of blue, so it would end up some blue shade in the end, right? Though Basil had gotten his father's brown color eyes. Didn't mean anything to him, though. It was one of the few traits that had passed over at all, honestly. And hair color, he supposed. He'd never really given much thought on getting down to the specifics of it, though. It did not change anything and never would. When Judas spoke of why Basil loved Sabriel, he had to sigh. He wasn't going to correct Judas on what had been said, not the part about him, anyway. Not a place he wanted to go right now. But he was going to respond on all of it as a whole. "She's the only person I really have any right at all to love." He replied quietly, his eyes resting on Sabriel; not willing to look up at Judas at this point. He wasn't really sure why he'd confessed that at all to the merman. It certainly wasn't any business of his.

After Basil had pointed out the teething thing and Judas responded, Basil couldn't help but snicker at the joke. It was so out of place, and was a pretty amusing mental image. "I wouldn't imagine it'd be comfortable for anyone to feed that kind of baby that way." He pointed out, not really wanting to think about that sort of thing. It was probably pretty complicated, too. "Though in such a situation, or any, I guess.... when she does teeth... will she want blood? It may be a good idea to be prepared for that if she does get fangs... Impending bloodlust would be a trigger for it.." There was a frown-like quirk at one corner of his lips while pondering that, but the whole part vampire thing was really unfortunate, and kinda getting to him. If anything about Sabriel bothered him, it was that. Yet he let even that bit of conversation go when Judas got up and walked towards him. Basil was quite still at that point, for some reason having the mental imagery of a wary deer in his mind at the movement Judas made. Uncomfortable indeed. With the words spoken, Basil dipped his head and positioned his arms to take Sabriel and let Judas take the cup. Once this was done and he was holding her, he gave Judas a look, took and breath and glanced at the door. "Until eight, then." He said it evenly, then carefully gathered up what he was to bring with him before starting to head out.

there's a picture that's hanging in the back of my head;
i see it over and over*

[JUDAS LEVI SAGAR]

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SHAKE FREE OVER TIME,

[style=width: 380px; text-align: justify; color: acacac; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; line-height: 90%;]Judas realised that nowadays a lot of his thoughts revolved around himself and Sabriel, simply because it seemed to be a defence mechanism. Of course, he paid mind to the friends who he had; Adam who had forgiven him, Kentley who helped him out with Sabriel when he first got her, and other general people who made the effort to make him less miserable. Because right now, his initial state was to just shut down. Maybe if he didn't care so much, he wouldn't get fucked over all the time. The openness that had once been a part of Judas was now buried deep within dark secrets, or well, secrets that seemed dark to him. When people enquired about the fact that he had a daughter, they asked 'so you're not gay then?' but of course they didn't know how it all happened. Why would they, because the logical thing to see was a gay man who had a daughter who was flesh and blood, and men simply did not give birth. Judas's reply would be 'it's complicated' because that was not something that he wanted to admit, or explain to anybody. And the fact that he couldn't talk about it made him feel very alone, made himself cave into his own being and live just for him and his daughter, because if not for her, he knew he'd still be the zombie like figure he was a few months ago. He was thankful for her, and even though he didn't like it, he had to admit thanks to Basil for giving her to him. He wasn't so alone now.

Judas cracked a tiny smile at the serious words coming out of Basil's mouth. It wasn't because it was funny, but because he said it at all. The merman didn't know what he was so worried about, probably because of his own experience with the vampire which now made him very protective. "It'll be a while before she can swim on her own anyway, I suppose we'll think about that then..." Judas didn't mention the silent 'if you're still around' because he didn't have much hope for that. Basil sticking around. His mind was more thinking that he'll get Sabriel used to him before leaving. That might be a bad opinion, but right now, Judas didn't have anything good to say about him. Not while everything was still so raw, and one of the reasons for it was sitting right before him. But he couldn't really regret ever meeting him, because of Basil and everything that happened he has Sabriel. That has to be worth something.

"She's the only person I really have any right at all to love."

That sentence, it made a frown settle on the merman's features, and he looked down at the baby in his arms. The word 'right' was the thing that confused him the most. He was sure that Basil could love someone, but it wasn't a right, it was something that you can't control. Just as much he Judas himself couldn't control his own feelings towards his daughter, just like he couldn't control his feelings for Jason when they were still together. It wasn't his 'right', it was something that happened. He bit his lower lip, his mind thinking over that sentence, before his eyes went back to the vampires face and he had to wonder what Basil himself had gone through to have such an opinion. Even if it was something bad, it wasn't like that could change what he did, the things he said, because there were no excuses. But Judas never really bothered to think about it like that. Really, he wasn't sure he even wanted to know, or cared for that matter. Or that was what he told himself. "Love isn't really a right." The merman spoke his thoughts softly, quietly, "It's much more complex." He shrugged, not knowing if he made sense or not, but it didn't matter. Not really. These were just empty words exchanged between two people who no longer knew each other.

Judas's joke had earned him a snicker, and a flash of amusement crossed his features, making then lighter and younger than they'd been in a while. "No, I don't suppose they would." He agreed, and then listened to his next words carefully, instantly mulling them over in his mind. Would she want blood? She was only half vampire so maybe she could survive without it? His features darkened once more as he thought about it. "I think ... if it comes to that ... I'll be lost." Judas admitted. He was never afraid to admit weaknesses, simply because he knew everybody had them. "Should I have some at hand just in case?" He could always visit the blood bank and get some from there, because he sure as hell wasn't asking anyone for their blood. Maybe she could bite him, but that wasn't something he really liked to consider.

Once he was up and heading towards the male with the girl, handing her to him ever so carefully, in turn picking up his cup and holding it between his limber fingers. He took the image in for a moment. It was a peculiar sight, Basil with a baby. It made him seem less threatening, less like someone who'd want to hurt other people. He trusted that he wouldn't hurt Sabriel, as his earlier words had seemed genuine, but this image was somewhat strange. As Basil started to move, Judas put the cup on the table and grabbed the bag in which he'd put clothes and diapers and other things that she would need, moving carefully to place the strap of the bag onto Basil's shoulder when he was by the door. Judas didn't know what to say, and there wasn't anything that he could do, so he opened the door and simply let them out. "Until eight." He nodded in agreement, watching them until they were in the car, before shutting the door behind him to silence. It was strange now. Too quiet. Where there was once even the sound of another person breathing, now it was deafening. He ran a hand through his hair in a tired motion, deciding that he could use some much needed sleep before heading out to town. It's been a while since he's done that without Sabriel.

Hours later, Judas was back at the apartment, the guys not home yet themselves. It seemed like his flatmates didn't come home until very late, which wasn't something he'd noticed before now. Glancing at his watch, it was almost eight, but he wouldn't stress. He knew that they'd be here on time. His eyes were cast back to the TV, having sat down on the sofa to surf through channels, a hot drink in his hands carefully and expertly handled so there wouldn't be any accidents. He thought back to the friend he'd made today. Shane his name was, in the music store. That made him smile a little, because if he was capable to make friends still and not mess it up, then maybe it wasn't so bad.

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thanks, ginny weasley from caution 2.0!

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[BASIL XAIDEN PRIOR]

i want to hold you, and love you in my arms and then;
i want to need you, cause i need to be with you til the end~

Basil did not like letting himself think about the issues that Judas might face with Sabriel, about the way she had come into being; why the merman had her at all. Things had not happened in a manner that could be looked back fondly on, not for any of them. Basil would always feel guilt over it, because it had all been done as a game to hurt him. Had he not cared, Judas would have been left alone. That would hang over Basil's head forever, and he had to face that truth each time he looked at the merman. He wished he could take the pain of that away, but he knew Judas would never want that. Basil could make the merman forget it all -- the parts that really messed with Judas -- but he knew the merman would never agree to it. Maybe fix the roommate, too... but Basil did not offer these things. In some way he was sure Judas knew it could be done, yet if it wasn't asked, Basil wasn't in the right frame of mind over the whole ordeal to just offer it out of the blue. And what could it even do now? Memories were what made a person who they were, and Basil knew that. He could see the changes in Judas and it cut into him. There were so many mixed emotions running through him when he was around the merman, and it was easier to just avoid that for now. The truth of it was that Basil hadn't yet actually come to terms with these things. He wasn't so sure that he could. He didn't know if he wanted to, or what it would change if he did.

Being alone could be a terrible thing. Basil felt it, the sting of how much longer this life was, how it just dragged on when there was no one there. Idle friends here and there; sure. Being social so he did not go insane, yeah Basil did that. He had his businesses to deal with, and that kept him from letting life bring him down too much more then it did on default. But there was no one 'special' for him to hang around, and he knew it was better that way. For everyone. He couldn't just have random flings the same way he used to do all the time. It was much more dangerous now, he figured. Basil probably made up far more excuses for himself on why not to be with anyone then were actually valid reasons, but he didn't care. It was borderline pathetic of him, honestly. Of all that he had been before. It would sure surprise the people he used to know before he'd become a vampire, that was for sure. But would those people really recognize him now? He was starting to even out a little bit personality-wise. There were enough reasons for that, enough places in his life that had led to it. Still, being alone was not an easy choice. It went against who he had once been, back before he was drinking blood and trying to repress most vampire urges. He didn't think he'd ever be fully comfortable with what he was, no matter how many years he had to deal with it. He disliked vampires just as much as ever, even while being one.

Sticking around. He didn't tell Judas -- and probably wouldn't for awhile -- that he had a nice sized house built here in Manuka to keep him in place. He had decided to settle down, to stop running. And he did. He still had the old house; small and simple, and would continue to keep it. Would continue to let Judas think he was living there for now. He wouldn't say he lived there if asked, but he would try to find ways around saying anything. At least for now, because Basil didn't think that Judas would take the idea of the new place well. Not the fact that it was huge and had wings, but the fact that the pool way really big, and there was some interesting decor over the place. It was just... not something Basil wanted to explain, let alone have Judas see. Eventually it would have to happen, but until then, Basil was going to avoid it. Because then he'd have to talk about it, and he would really rather not. There were many things that Basil did not want to explain in his life, both past and present. Yet he was trying to put down roots, to stick to one place. He'd been living in Manuka for over a year, and he didn't see himself moving for many years, at least. Though even that he wasn't sure he'd do. Maybe spend some time elsewhere and come back if that was needed. Not something he needed to think about right now, though.

It would be awhile before Sabriel could swim on her own, though Basil had to wonder if in that way she might be quicker to learn and adapt to water then most children of humans would. Sabriel had a tail and was meant to swim, after all. It would only make sense that she should be able to swim quickly in life. Then again, Basil couldn't know exactly how all of that was suppost to work. He'd never been around a young mermaid or anything like that before. Then again he'd never been around a child vampire creature either. It didn't seem like a possible thing, but there Sabriel was, and he was glad for her. Sure, things could get a little difficult if she started craving blood, and Basil couldn't be sure how to begin dealing with such a thing. Let alone how Judas would want to handle it. The mermaid thing seemed a lot less confusing to him, that was for sure. With Judas' reply about the swimming thing, Basil only gives a nod to him. He doesn't know what was to be added onto that, and he was better off not knowing that Judas thought he was a flight risk within Sabriel's life. Basil would probably be offended. So he merely took to what had actually been said. At the time where Sabriel could swim on her own, Basil knew that Judas would have had to seen the house by then, and much awkwardness would have to be explained on that stuff. Well, he'd get over the bridge when he came to it. Until then, he'd be happy not to think on what he'd say about those things.

The words had been said in such a precise manner because that was exactly what Basil had meant. It wasn't about loving someone, which certainly couldn't be controlled very well, if it could. No, it was about having the right to show or give that love, to try for more. Basil did not have the right to give love in return for love, not with anyone but Sabriel in his mind. Yes, Basil loved others, but he did not have a right to let it be known. It could make matters worse, and he shouldn't have or feel that love. He would only hurt them, because that was how it seemed to go so far. Or he couldn't love them enough, couldn't love them in the way that they deserved. That was a major issue when it came to Basil. He knew that, he'd noticed his relationships; how and why they had failed. Usually, Basil caused them to fail in some way. Not always on purpose, sometimes he didn't even realize he was doing it. Yet there it was; he did it still. Perhaps if he knew how to let go, how to just fully move on without feeling anything anymore.... but he didn't know how. Basil had thought time and space would help, had thought it was done until he'd come to Manuka and went to that damned museum. Then it all boiled over on him, and now he wasn't sure it could just be gone again if he left. So he just decided to stay, to deal with it. After Sabriel, there really wasn't a way to fight it without losing her.

Basil gave a little sigh under his breath at what Judas said over the matter of love and being a right or not. In the merman's case, it wasn't one. This did not shake what Basil felt over the whole matter though. Did not change his opinion on it. "Complex, yes. But there's always a line, Judas." He smiled faintly. "Even if I felt love for someone, it doesn't mean I should. In the matter of a significant other, I have nothing to really offer. Not where it counts. And that is where I have no right to love someone in such a way." He explained it in an offhand manner, making light of the situation he was speaking of. Did the conversation effect him? Of course it did. The truth on it all was that he was explaining away why he wouldn't admit what he felt to the person he felt it towards -- who would probably never have a hint on that truth -- and making it seem like it didn't matter at all. But it was because Basil knew Judas wouldn't catch on that he said any of it at all. For all the merman knew, these were hollow words being spoken between them that had no real meaning within the bounds of those conversing. Basil was fine with that, he did not want Judas to know. He did not want to felt it at all anymore, either. It was too much, too difficult to deal with. Although it did have the helpful side of keeping him away from other relationships only bound to fail. There was that, at least.

It would be nice if Sabriel did not need blood at all, but Basil wasn't going to hold onto hope for that fact. He would wait it out and see, and be ready for whatever came. Even if she did get fangs, there was the possiblity that needing blood would only be circumstantial. For healing or some such; that would be easier to deal with then the need for it every day. Either way, Basil would be here for Sabriel to help her through it. And Judas too, since Basil was sure it would be quite a thing for the merman to have to deal with. Coupled with what Judas just admitted, Basil ran through the options through his head on what could be done if blood was needed. He honestly didn't know how one would handle a child prone on biting like that. Could prove difficult. "Yeah, me too. I never gave these kinds of possiblities any thought before. It'll certainly be a new situation." He gave a slight frown. And then there was the matter of blood, and what kind to give Sabriel if it came to that. Basil wasn't sure how the merman felt on that kind of specifics. Better ask. So with Judas' words on having some on hand in case, Basil shook his head. "You'll need something fresh if it comes to that, and I don't see you being happy about replenishing the stuff all the time. If she needs it, I'll get it for her." He commented evenly. "Also.. if she does need blood, do you want it to be human? Because trying animal blood might be better. She can't miss what she's never had, and it can save some issues down the road if she can handle it instead..." Might as well put the option out there.

With Sabriel in his arms, Basil softened. His features and demeanor relaxed, and he probably seemed much more friendly, approachable, warm. And when he had Sabriel, he was those things. He liked other people fawning over the baby so long as they weren't in any way threatening. When Judas brought the bag over to place the strap onto his shoulder, Basil went still, gaze riveted to Sabriel. It felt like his stomach was doing backflips with the merman so close, but Basil wasn't going to let it show. With the words parroted back at him, Basil left the apartment and went to his SUV to get Sabriel settled into the carseat. With everything ready -- and he checked it over twice -- he got into the SUV as well and drove off. He had some plans as to what to do today, and he'd gone over it in his head since he'd been told he could take Sabriel for the day. Considering the outing, there had to be plans made, backup stuff figured out just in case and all that. Basil wanted everything to go smoothly, and he'd planned each area they'd go to ensure that there wasn't much risk of water getting on Sabriel. Not that it would matter much, he could cloak over those memories if he needed to. Still, he wanted Sabriel to be comfortable.

The day had turned out to be a blast, actually. Basil had fun, and it looked as if Sabriel had as well. However, with everything that had gone on within those hours, the little one was pretty tired when Basil drove up to Judas' apartment and parked the SUV. He gathered the bags over his shoulder and unstrapped her from the carseat carefully, not wanting to disturb the nap she was taking. Soon enough he was at the merman's door and knocking, holding Sabriel close while she rested. His camera was also slung over a shoulder, wanting to show Judas the pictures he'd taken on the day out of what Sabriel had done. There was a few balloon animals tied to his wrist as well -- couldn't let them fly off on accident -- and he stood there, looking like quite the interesting image when all was taken into account. But it had been a great day for him, and Basil was happy with everything. The pictures had come out good, too. No water had gotten on Sabriel either, and Basil had taken great care giving her a bottle to ensure none of the liquid spilled on her. He was looking forward to the next time they could have a day out, but he'd have to figure out where else to go. Maybe the zoo.

then i hear myself reply; you've got to hold it in~
this time, tonight*

[JUDAS LEVI SAGAR]

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SHAKE FREE OVER TIME,

[style=width: 380px; text-align: justify; color: acacac; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; line-height: 90%;]Judas's eyes were calculating as he took the male in. Seemingly unchanged from when they had first met, and Judas was not sure whether he could say that he had changed internally too, because ... Judas knew almost nothing about Basil. Just his cruel words and his monster of a mother ... other than that, it was like he was a stranger. Always had been, so he didn't know why he was so possessed to talk about the right to love and not love when he didn't even know the man. But it seemed like Basil was telling him, giving him more of an insight, and Judas had to avert his gaze down to his hands. "Everyone has something to offer." Judas shrugs, knowing that even though he himself was bruised and battered now, if he found someone to feel something for, he wouldn't hold back as long as they loved him back. "And what if the person you love loves you back?" Judas didn't know why he was pushing this, he was just the kind of person to feel bad for those people who believe they don't deserve what everyone else does. Yes, Basil was not his favourite person by a long shot, but it seemed ridiculous for him to hear such things. "Would you hold back on the chance of that?" Judas asked, not really expecting an answer, but his mind was on himself, wondering whether he would actually jump at the chance, or whether he'd prefer to keep the pieces of him that is still whole just that, without there being a threat of them being torn apart.

Honestly, the conversation about Sabriel needed blood scared the shit out of Judas. Because it was something he’s only seen once, and that was when Emaleth was ripping Adam’s throat out, and the thought made him stiffen for a moment, the baby girl in his arms. However, Judas knew that people didn’t just ... become that way, and if he raised Sabriel right, then he was sure that she would be nothing like her mother, even though she did have some genes. Judas hated how everything came down to the baby’s mother, the problems of her being a half vampire. If she was just a mermaid, Judas could do so much more to help her, and even though he has not come to terms with his own tail, he would never hate Sabriel’s, because it was different when something was on your daughter. There was no way that he could judge her for it, and he would love her no matter what. Just because his parents were cruel enough to make him hate himself for so long, and other people who fuelled it, didn’t mean that Sabriel deserved the same. But the vampire part ... he imagined that that would be difficult, and Basil’s words sounded right in his ears because he couldn’t keep giving blood to her if she needed it fresh. He frowned at the suggestion of human blood. “Human ... no.” He shook his head, wanting anything but that. “I don’t really want people to get harmed, you know?” Judas spoke, eyes still on the girl in his arms and nodded. “I think animal should suffice if she needs it ... like if human food doesn’t satisfy her, but maybe she won’t need it all the time?” The look on Judas’s face was hopeful, though he knew that he shouldn’t expect Basil to have the answers.

Judas stood just outside the door to the apartment, watching the male and the girl until their backs were out of view, and a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach, a feeling of dread and fear hitting him, and a thought of; what if he won’t bring her back? Judas put two fingers to the bridge of his nose to rub the tension away from his body, scolding himself for being so silly, because he was. He was stupid, and paranoid, and he was just so afraid of losing Sabriel. Yes, Basil was a dick a lot of the time, but even he wouldn’t do such a thing, being the one to hand her to Judas when Leth was done giving birth to her. He didn’t want to think that Basil would have changed his mind. No, he wouldn’t. He took a deep breath, closing the door behind him to the empty apartment, his roommates God-knows-where. He took his time getting properly dressed, and once he got over his irrational panic, Judas was able to relax somewhat. Head out and actually socialise with people without Sabriel crying and what not. He had missed that. When back home, he had taken the time to shower, or well, bathe as he does, and he realised that actually, he didn’t like the quiet so much. He could have slept, but something was missing and he didn’t like it. Judas was sure that one day every two weeks he could cope with, but even with Sabriel having been away for such a short amount of time it seemed like there was something missing. Judas had never anticipated how much he’d appreciate being a father.

The knock on the door brought Judas to his feet and he was opening it within the minute, the sight of balloon animals, a sleeping baby and a camera greeting him, which made him genuinely laugh for a moment, something he had not done in a while, because truth be told, Basil looked completely ridiculous. “Looking good, the balloon animal look suits you.” Judas chuckled quietly, and opened the door wider for the male to come in, and closing it behind him once he was fully inside. “She’s sleeping?” He peered at Sabriel, and took her from Basil gently as not to wake her, because he would wait until she woke up to give her that bath, because she’d fall asleep five times over before that happened. Motioning for Basil to sit, he carried her to her room, placing her in the little bed and covering her in a blanket. He left the door wide open as he left the room, knowing that they’d be able to hear when she woke up. Then he made his way back downstairs to Basil, and eyed him from the doorway. “You guys look like you had fun.” He offered a small smile, “Do you want anything?” That was like an automatic question, a feeling of needing to be civil and polite. “You took pictures?” Judas asked, eyeing the camera, because he was very interested in the events of the day, and all that Sabriel had gone up to. He guessed it was the father in him. He ran his fingers through his hair, waiting for the other male to speak.

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[style=padding-top: 3px; padding-bottom: 3px; text-align: center; font-family: wire one; text-transform: uppercase; font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 2px; color: white;]TAG: prose/basil! NOTES: oh gosh, this was crap, sorry! WORDS: 1127

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thanks, ginny weasley from caution 2.0!

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[BASIL XAIDEN PRIOR]

if only i had the guts to feel this way;
if only you'd look at me and want to stay

Actually, there was so very much that had changed about Basil since when he'd first met Judas. The vampire thing, for one. But personality traits had shifted too, in some ways. Key things. Yet Judas wasn't around him enough to see those. Instead, there had been enough time to only see the attitude, the snark, jokes and cruelty that yeah, he'd had back then. Honestly, Basil had been worse as a human then he was now. It was the guilt and self loathing of being a vampire that had done it, made him different in ways; better. As a human Basil had done some really shitty things. He'd hurt more people at that time then he did in the name of needing blood. Take that for being twisted all around. Not that Basil really thought about it like that. In his mind, he was so much of a monster that he could never become anything really good. He'd lost that chance the moment he had become a vampire. There was no coming back from that, though Basil could try to become at least a little useful. He was still working on that one, though he did do alright with providing some entertainment. He had the aquarium and the casino, after all. That was something, though not much. And he would be able to put some money into charities and so forth. Right now he was thinking about donating first and foremost to the Manuka hospital. Help what's close to home, though part of that was about the fact that he had swiped blood bags before from the place. Now there was an actual blood bank for the need, though Basil no longer even took human blood anyway.

It was too bad, his need to withhold from everyone and keep anyone from getting close. It kept his secrets safe, but it also kept him from having anyone to really talk to about whatever was going on in his mind. Even all the people he'd been physically intimate with didn't really know him at all. Nell had known him pretty well, considering. Not that he ever slept with her, but it was different. His worry for her safety had always been a major point in why it hadn't gotten far. Maeh had known him well, of all the people he had slept with. But they had an understanding; the two of them hadn't wanted commitment. Just fun. Each other's wingman in a way now and then. They'd been as much as friends as Basil had allowed through his life. He didn't know where Maeh had gone after Washington though. Things had been strange and messed up, and it wasn't too long after that when Emaleth had caught up with him. Basil had not the will to find out where Maeh was after becoming a vampire. He didn't want her near that. For a long time, he didn't want anyone near that. But Nell had helped him get through some of the hardest months; kept him from giving up. He owed her more then he could actually give, and he knew he'd always care about her. Same with Maeh, in some way.

Basil shouldn't be even talking about the whole love thing with Judas. It was too strange, and somehow having the merman comment about these things cut deeper then they normally would. Awkward, he supposed, to hear what Judas was saying and knowing it meant that the merman had to think Basil had something to offer someone. It couldn't be easy saying that when you all but hated someone you were saying it to, right? Though maybe the merman was just being nice, since he wasn't looking up. That would make sense. Except in the fact that it didn't, because there was no reason for Judas to be nice to him. Ever. For anything. Civil for Sabriel's sake, sure. But nice was taking it a bit far, if the merman disliked him as much as he should; as much as Basil had tried to make Judas dislike him. Basil couldn't even hold back the derisive sound in his throat over the next words. More added to that, and Basil gave Judas a deadpan look, one eyebrow quirked upwards. "Opposed to everything else I hold back on? I think you know the answer to that. Besides, I'm resigned to the fact that I won't be loved back." The tone wasn't sad, though. He didn't even say what had first come to mind on that question. It's not possible that I am loved back. So there that was, and it was easier to keep it to himself rather then say something. Plus, there was that whole 'shoved-so-far-in-the-closet' thing going on. That doesn't help matters in any degree.

Sometimes shit flowed downhill. People lived what they learned to some degree. It could be in the extreme to the bad side like Emaleth had because of what her mother had done, or it could be other problems. Issues like Basil had, not wanting anyone to get close, or the fact that Judas couldn't like his own tail. Parents could shape a child, and the fear of that had caused Basil to walk away when he'd realized he would be a father. He'd only been seventeen at the time, and he'd freaked out. And then he'd come to his senses, but everything went wrong after that. It messed with him, and would for a long time. This was a major point in why he couldn't accept everything about his sexuality; the fact that he did find males desirable. But it had cost him too much, more then he was willing to risk again up to this point. Terrible things happened. People died. Maybe it wasn't all connected, but in Basil's mind it felt like it. He couldn't shake that. It was a hell of a coincidence that the second time had happened one after another. The first time could be no mistake, though. It was still clear in his mind; burned there forever. It would always bother him that he hadn't been able to deal well with how he had handled finding out Rosalina was pregnant. When he had figured out that he couldn't stand the idea of not being in his child's life, he had tried to fix things. He really had. Yet Rosaline had called him out on what he'd been up to after they broke up, Basil admitted to the rumors, and Rosa had flipped shit. From bad to worse.

There were so many reasons for why Basil wanted to protect Sabriel, help her. Love, more than anything, and so many other things that stemmed from that. He did not want her to think that all of the other half of her bloodline was completely horrible. That they didn't care about her. Basil wasn't sure what all he could or would tell her about such things on that side of the family tree, but he wasn't going to abandon her. Sure, he worried about the vampire part of her and what that meant, what it could mean later. He couldn't hate her like he hated other vampires. As a hybrid, he hoped she would overcome all the things that came from the vampire part of her. Basil wanted to make sure he didn't step on Judas' toes about things, as conflict there would only be upsetting for Sabriel in the long run. Basil was going to do his best to help if the bloodlust came up for her. Whatever she needed. Blood, information, someone to talk to about coping with those issues; anything Sabriel needed, Basil wanted to be there for her. When Judas responded about the blood type -- that human was a no -- Basil couldn't help but feel relieved at that. He wouldn't want to go against the merman's wishes about it when it came to Sabriel, but Basil still would much rather bring Sabriel animal blood instead of anything human. Though he wasn't sure if that was only him pushing personal preference on her or not. Though, he supposed most non-vampires would find animal blood instead much more comforting. Didn't want people getting harmed. That was something Basil also agreed with. "I agree. No one needs to get hurt, there are ways around it." He commented quietly. A pause to consider what else Judas had said. "I'm hoping she won't need it often, but we can't really know. She can survive on animal blood, though. It's just... not as good. But she doesn't have to know that." It's all he can say on it right now without knowing more.

There was no way Basil could go back on having given Sabriel to Judas now. No, to rip her away from her loving father after the merman had accepted her? That would be fucked up and cruel in a way Basil never wanted to become. He wouldn't want anyone to have to go through that kind of pain. He thought it was bad enough with just the thought, the hope for what would be to be taken away. Basil had been excited once he had accepted the fact he would be a father. That alone was enough to cut him deeply when he knew he couldn't hold his child. When he realized his daughter would never even breathe. And this would be worse. To have Sabriel taken away -- to him -- would be too much to bear. For Judas, Basil would imagine it would be devestating in a way no one could crawl back from without pieces missing forever. Basil could not do that to the merman. No matter what issues he might ever have with Judas, even if the merman wanted to hurt him and keep him away from Sabriel... Basil still would not take her away. It's possible on so many different levels, but Basil couldn't do something like that. If there was any cause to worry, if it was for Sabriel's safety, then yes. But it was Judas, and that stuff would never come into question. Basil knows that Sabriel had a very good father, regardless of the fact that Judas was still learning about parenthood. That's just how it worked. Sabriel was in good hands, and Basil was comforted by that fact. It was nice that the merman actually allowed Basil to have a day with Sabriel after everything. He would not take that for granted.

Yeah, Basil looked ridiculous, but he was owning it. There was nothing wrong with having a day out with the baby and looking like it. Basil couldn't even help cracking a smile at the merman's laugh and the words. He shifted his head in a sort of pose. "Doesn't it?" He joked lightly, careful to keep his tone down so not to wake Sabriel as he walked in. There was a nod at the question after the door was closed, and he let Judas take her, trying not to move too much. He didn't want to jolt Sabriel awake by any sudden movements. Once Judas had her and motioned him to sit, Basil walked to the couch and settled to picking at the ties of the balloon animals to remove them from his wrist, letting them float to the ceiling. Judas could figure out where he wanted to put them. With the merman back downstairs and speaking, Basil gave a dip of his head. "Yeah, it was nice. She had fun looking at everything." He responded evenly. At the question of wanting anything, Basil quirked an eyebrow. "Unless you have rabbit blood laying around, I'll pass." Though it tasted like cardboard, ugh. Still, he managed. He had gorged himself quite well for the day out around people to keep his head clear, but with all the excitement, he was starting to feel a little hungry again. Not enough to worry or anything, of course. He knew better then to let that happen. At the inquiry of pictures, Basil ducked out of the strap of the camera and handed it over to Judas to flip through. "Got some good ones." He commented with a smile. "She got a little upset when she couldn't pet the dolphins with the other kids, but I promised to close the place down for a day when she's bigger so she can swim with them." Basil added. Not that he supposed Sabriel understood any of that, but he'd still remember.

if only i could take you in my arms and say;
i won't go, cuz i need you~

[JUDAS LEVI SAGAR]

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SHAKE FREE OVER TIME,

[style=width: 380px; text-align: justify; color: acacac; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; line-height: 90%;]Judas was a man who was a sweetheart in his own right. No word spoken from his mouth was ever aimed to hurt. He couldn't be cruel to people he hated, because he didn't believe that that would make him any better than them. He didn't want to be better than them, it was more like he didn't want to waste time on them. And since, in this occasion, he was forced to have someone like that in his life he wouldn't say cruel words to them. He was just not that kind of person and it was a well known fact. It was just really sad how someone so kind got hurt so badly. Yes, it made him colder and more detached, but not cruel. The words that Basil were speaking kind of made Judas think that Basil had a lot more insecurities than he had first thought. "That must be a sad life." He said, almost apologetically because even through all that Judas has been through, a lot of it at the hands of Basil, he was the one he felt sorry for. "So little hope for happiness. If you think you'll be unhappy that usually becomes truer. Same for the opposite really." Judas reasons, simply if he had thought he could never be happy again, or loved again he would be miserable now, yet he knows that is not true which is why the merman was so able to look at the positives. However, if Basil didn't want to understand that, it wasn't Judas's job to make him.

Judas listened intently on the comments about the blood, and it kind of scared him a little. That she might need it to survive on. Sprouting a tail was one thing, it was completely harmless, yet teeth in throats were dangerous. Judas had seen that first hand, when Emaleth had ripped out his best friend's throat right in front of his eyes, and he'd rather die himself than have Sabriel become anything close to that. She would be nothing like her mother, and Judas would ensure that. Which was why he was so willing to have Basil's help on this. He wouldn't know how to get animal blood or anything, and he was afraid. The coward in Judas peeking its roaring head out of wherever its been hiding, as much as he didn't want that. "No, she doesn't need to know that ... but what if ... you know there's blood lust, no?" He bites on his lower lip uncertainly, teeth on flesh as a sign of uneasiness. "I suppose ... when she's older and understands better we'd have to tell her?" Tell her that biting humans was bad, that it hurt humans and hopefully she'd never want to harm anyone, despite the blood lust. Judas ran a hand down his face and sighed a little, before bringing forward a thought. "I mean, she's been fine with milk and stuff for now, though she does get restless but she hasn't gotten her teeth yet so I guess we won't know until then?" He reasons, eyeing the little girl with an aching chest, because she was cursed from the moment she was born.

The pose that Basil worse in the doorway was enough to have Judas grinning, because it was ridiculous as much as it was unexpected. He didn't want to be smiling, but the image was so amusing that he wasn't going to hold back. He didn't need it. "It does, you look very approachable." The merman chuckles, because who could be even a little frightened of a man who looked like that? No one would be if they saw him in the street. Which he figured was a vast improvement. Judas took Sabriel carefully from Basil, careful not to wake her and the moment that she was in his arms he felt a relief flood through him for some unknown reason. He supposed that having a tired out Sabriel in his arms made him feel a little more trusting towards the male, and he wasn't quite sure if that was a good thing. He was just happy that they were back and she was safe. He put her to bed, giving her a loving kiss on the forehead. Who would have thought that Judas would be a father? He certainly never did. Having known that he was gay from the age of about fifteen, he figured that the best he'd get would be adoption. But he had simply never realised how amazing the feeling would be of having a child who was well and truly his. With the mother out of the picture he could, if he wanted, find someone to raise her with. Not that that was a thought that entered Judas' mind recently. It was about the last thing he would think about, but he was glad that the option was there.

Once downstairs, Judas nodded at the words. "Well, looking is as much as she can do right now. I'm kinda excited for her to be able to actually play with things." He smiled fondly at the idea before shaking his head. It would still be some time before she can sit up properly, but he also knew that time would pass by really fast. However, he stiffened his shoulders at the next words and cleared his throat. "Um no, I don't believe I've got any of that lying about." He said almost apologetically, that being an automatic response that Judas cursed himself for. Judas moved to sit on the couch opposite Basil, taking the camera from his hands with a small smile as a 'thank you'. He brought the screen close to seeing proximity and took some time to look at the pictures. The baby smiling as she saw the world around her, the balloon's on her little wrist in one of the picture made him smile in happiness for her. He was lost in his own little world for a few moments as his eyes took in the pictures, but Basil's next words brought him back to reality. "I'm sure she'd really appreciate that. Being half mermaid she'd have an affinity for sea animals." He commented lightly, thumb moving over the 'next' arrow at intervals. "Do you mind if I keep some of these? I'll be keeping random pictures to look back at in the future." He explains with a small shrug before handing the camera back to him and notices the balloon's hanging by his face, so he moves to get up and move them by the TV. "You sure you don't wanna keep one? I would hate the ruin the look you had going on." He chuckles a little and eyes the male on his couch.

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[style=padding-top: 3px; padding-bottom: 3px; text-align: center; font-family: wire one; text-transform: uppercase; font-size: 11px; letter-spacing: 2px; color: white;]TAG: prose/basil! NOTES: this took so long pls don't hate me D: WORDS: 1125

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thanks, ginny weasley from caution 2.0!

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[BASIL XAIDEN PRIOR]

sit here waiting, wondering, hoping that i'll make this right;
cuz all i think about is your hands, your face and all these lonely nights

Basil couldn't even remember a time where he had been a sweetheart to people for any reason that wasn't selfish in some kind of way. Not that being good to Nell was something he did for the wrong selfish reasons, of course. For her it was because he couldn't stand having her gone. He had needed her friendship and afection, and that had been a bit selfish of him, because he knew she shouldn't be with him at that time. And now she wasn't, and Basil figured she was better off that way, no matter how much he missed her, even for simple conversation. Mia was gone too, though Basil did not fear her, and would have liked to get her off Nell's case. By any means. He supposed he would always have some kind of worry for Nell, just because of the kind of person she was, and all that she was. She could be taken advantage of, or hurt. It did not matter that she was immortal, because even there downfalls could be had because of personality. She was too sweet and gentle, too good. Yet Basil knew he had to let the thoughts go and keep from looking for her. If she wanted him to know where she was, she would tell him. And that was that.

Did he have a lot more insecurities then he let most people see? Yes. There was no doubt of it, even within his own mind. Basil had things from his past that made him that way, and he had things that he had done that did as well. There were a lot of reasons for these things, but in the end it was all the same. He could not get past everything; or at least he had not yet been able to. Basil was trying to come to terms with his alone status, and he was getting there slowly for the safety reasons. There were not many that he would be interested in that would be hardy enough -- physically, mentally -- for a real kind of relationship. Plus, it was easier not to go there when he was in love with someone that wouldn't love him back. Nor knew how he felt. It was better that way, because what if Basil said something? It could go very badly, and he could be pushed out of Sabriel's life, too. No, it wasn't worth the risks. This was enough. Or it would have to be. Basil would make it be enough for him. He did not need anyone right now anyway. He needed to get himself on the right track and well on that path before thinking about... any kind of thing with someone.

His eyebrows furrowed a little at what Judas said, and the next words caused Basil to frown faintly. "Yes, well, I am a vampire. Happiness on many levels flew out the window when I was turned." He commented quietly. He probably would forever think of his fate as a curse and downfall; a barrier for true happiness. It restricted so many things, and he hated vampires the moment he found out that was what Emaleth was. Stuff got crazy from there -- or was already crazy, he'd suppose -- and he could not get past it. He wished he had been able to kill Emaleth after finding out about Sabriel, but he couldn't be sure he would survive, and he couldn't let Emaleth live and do who knows what to the poor child. He'd wanted her for himself, but once back in Manuka he knew that Judas had to have the chance to know about Sabriel and be a father to her. It was a difficult thing for Basil to do; giving Sabriel up. And he could not stomach the idea of not seeing the child now and then. He had already loved her the moment he saw her. A beautiful child that deserved a good life and a chance to be better then what her mother was.

These thoughts ran quickly through his mind before something else popped up. It was something that he shouldn't have said; "Do you think you'll be happy? It's not hard to see there's something off about you, not that anyone could blame you after the things you've gone through..." He closed his eyes for a second or two. "I can never be sorry enough for my part in that." His eyes opened, flickered away from Judas. It never should have gone the way it had. Basil had been stupid to think those who had known him -- those who had mattered -- would not be affected if Emaleth found them. But now he wanted to believe Emaleth would stop doing such things. He'd made a deal with her, and she had better fucking hold up to her end. Otherwise he did not even want to think about it until anything about it affected his life. And he certainly did not want anyone else knowing about it, either. Some things were better left unsaid. At least to most people. Basil figured he might need to have someone to talk to about these things. At least to get it off his chest and get it out. It might help, since that sort of thing did when he talked to Nell. Could be a swing and a miss, though.

Basil was kinda hoping that Sabriel wouldn't get fangteeth or blood cravings. It would be better for everyone all around if she didn't, but Basil had to be realistic about this. If she got a tail, then how could she not get vampiric traits as well? They'd just have to wait and see what parts showed up. As long as she was taught the right things and how to control it and hurt no one, it would be okay. And Basil would work endlessly toward that goal. Whatever it took. He could certainly bring blood for Sabriel if they found she needed it; that wasn't a problem at all. He had it covered, and if she took to the animal blood, then things would be alright, he hoped. Though there was a risk either way, which came to mind after Judas' words about agreeing that Sabriel did not need to know the difference of animal blood versus human blood. Or non-animal blood, to get technical with it. "There are always going to worries and risks that she may find out the difference in bloods. Even teething human babies bite..." He pointed this out carefully, not exactly liking the thought and how it could change things. If Sabriel ended up with these issues, Judas was going to have to be very careful on keeping those teeth from anyone's flesh.

It was an uneasy thing; all of these possible problems. But Judas was right, Sabriel would have to be told something. She wouldn't understand why it happened to her and not her father. Where it came from. So Basil nodded at the last part. "Probably will have to tell her something if she asks, eventually." Was the agreed statement. It was up to the merman on what was told on the whole ordeal, so Basil left that where it was and added nothing more on it. The other part; not knowing if or when, Basil could only frown over and nod. He knew nothing of vampire babies; he had not known they could exist by birth until Sabriel was seen. That had shocked the hell out of him, too. Yet he had still loved her unconditionally, no matter the circumstances of her creation. She was an innocent in all this -- as was Judas -- and Basil wanted to protect them both from the horrors of Emaleth's presence. So far, for now, he could. At least so long as Emaleth stuck to the deal to the letter. Manuka, for one, was off limits. Forever. Basil would have it no other way. It would be the one safe spot from Emaleth for all, or so he dearly hoped. If the deal was broken, Basil wouldn't stop going after her until either of them were dead.

It was nice to see Judas smile when he was in the doorway after arriving back to the apartment from the aquarium. It made his heart jump once before he could control even that. Basil was also pleased to hear that he looked approachable. It had been awhile since he had been, and maybe it was just a day of it, but it was enough to keep him upbeat about it being a thing eventually. He could seem like a warmer person, if he tried. That had to count for something. An improvement indeed. So Basil gave a small smile as Judas took the baby, and went to sit on the couch and wait as the merman put Sabriel to bed. The poor dear was quite worn out from the activities of the day, but it was fun for both of them, and Basil looked forward to such a day again. With Judas back and responding to what he'd said, Basil couldn't help a grin. "Won't be long, she was trying to grab the balloons earlier." Was the light comment. At the response to the blood thing, Basil didn't even bat an eye. Of course Judas did not have any of it lying about. That was kind of duh, and Basil had been only making a joke. Watching the merman look at the photos, Basil let his mind wander a little.

When Judas asked to keep some of the photos, Basil saw no reason why not. "Sure. I'll make doubles of everything and give you a set. You can figure out which ones you want to keep or throw out." Mostly, he figured any with him in it would be trashed. Some selfies with Sabriel, and some that other people were kind enough to take of them. The with the mention of the balloons again, Basil chuckled. "Nah, I'm all socialized out for the day." He commented evenly. An idea popped in his mind after a second. "Maybe later you could get her a-" A pause as he decided against saying 'goldfish' for a few different reasons. "Pet. Like a ca- dog." Well hell, he was clearly not thinking this idea out, was he? Getting a mermaid a cat. Yeah, probably a no. He decided to simply stop speaking for a minute or more.

there's a feeling screaming in the back of my head, saying it over and over;
then i hear myself reply "he'll never let you in", this time tonight ~

[JUDAS LEVI SAGAR]

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SHAKE FREE OVER TIME,

[style=width: 380px; text-align: justify; color: acacac; font-family: georgia; font-size: 10px; line-height: 90%;] Judas’ lips quirked into a smile that was sad more than genuine, because he understood Basil’s words about not being happy because of whom you were. Maybe less so drastic a change in Judas’ life, yet it had made all the difference, and he was sure that Basil would know that Judas understood that more than anyone. Shaking his head, the merman thought about what it would be like for him if he’d been bitten and became someone like a vampire. He could understand the reluctance to feel happy, there was chance of doing things that you would regret, and he knew that more now because of all the caution what would need to be taken with Sabriel and her fangs. “Being a vampire doesn’t define you. Being anything doesn’t define you, Basil.” Judas says, his voice quiet, soft even because he was just the kind of person who cared, even when he shouldn’t, and he knew he shouldn’t but he understands, and he knows what it’s like to feel alone in something, so he thought he’d provide some comfort. “I learned that the hard way ... still learning really.” He said, a soft huff of air out of his lips because he knew that he’d never be fully okay with his tail, but he was learning to get used to it. “Plus ... Sabriel’s half mermaid, how can I hate that part of myself when the thing I love most is the same?” He reasons, nodding that Basil should apply that to himself too, because it made sense to Judas, and it was actually crazy how optimistic the merman seemed after all that happened.

However, the next words made Judas still. His own brow creased and he instantly felt his body shrug in on itself, at the blatant words of what had happened, but the merman forced himself to relax. Judas thought he’d done quite well with covering his emotions, hell, recently he’d felt somewhat happier, not completely, not even near that, yet the words made him suck in a deep breath that hitched in his throat. Thoughts of things he’d rather forget flickered in his mind and he bit on his lower lip, quiet for a long while as he took a moment to just breathe and think. So many bad things had happened to him, they hadn’t even started with Basil. When he was with Jason, he had been drugged enough to not know what was happening when Henry took advantage of him because he had feelings for Jason and Judas couldn’t deny anything because he didn’t know himself. He had blamed himself for the longest time, feeling terrible for the fact that he’d cheated, even if he hadn’t been in the right state of mind. Before that, the only dealings he’d had with Basil had been them getting it on when he was sixteen. Basil had left, and they never saw each other again until Manuka. After Jason, Judas had certainly believed he could be happy. There were a few hook ups, he had even dated his roommate for a while, but it seemed like nothing good in Judas’ life stayed that way.

And then the museum happened, and he got pushed into that fountain and it seemed like things had gone downhill from there. Not all of it was Basil’s fault, though of course he didn’t know much about the vampire’s relationship with Emaleth, but he had had a great hand in it. They’d left it on bad terms; Judas had even punched the vampire, which was not something that Judas ever did but it seemed like even people like Judas could be driven far enough into anger. He raised his eyes to meet Basil’s, the blue intense. “I don’t know.” He says quietly, thinking about Sabriel for a moment, knowing that she was the light in his life, and as far as he knew, she was the only thing that could truly make him happy. “I think I’d be worse off on the happiness if Sabriel wasn’t in my life.” He tells him honestly, surprised himself by how true all the words rung in the air between them, but he was more surprised at the apology that he hadn’t expected. Judas frowns, eyes still on the male as he runs his fingers over his forearm out of habit, over the tattoo’s that he forgets are there. “I really can’t say you’ve got nothing to be sorry for, but ... You gave me Sabriel, and I have to thank you for that.” He says, the words almost forgiving but not quite. “And Emaleth ... that wasn’t your fault. You didn’t ask her to do what she did.” Judas meant it, because he didn’t believe that Basil would be capable of that, after all, they didn’t have that much to do with one another, and one night when he was sixteen didn’t account to hatred that would account for what Emaleth had done.

Judas worried his lip with his teeth at the words, of Sabriel biting as she was teething and the last thing he really wanted was for her to find that she liked human blood. He was worried about it, he was so far out of his depth with this and there were a lot of moments of panic and self doubt about being a father. He was fine now, with the tail and all, but with the vampire parts? How could he ever handle that? Judas just knew that he would try; he would try because he loved her more than anything. “I know ... God ... I just feel ... out of my depth when it comes to that.” He admits with a long breath, casting his eyes to the ceiling, for a moment before glancing back down. “Can I – Can I call? If something happens?” He clears his throat, feeling an awkwardness settle in him simply because he didn’t really want to have to ask for help so blatantly, but he was sure that Basil wouldn’t refuse either. There wasn’t anything wrong with calling about something that the man knew better than Judas did. Judas hummed in response to the fact that Sabriel will need to be told something, but he knew that he still had time to figure that out, before she starting speaking and asking things. Judas had a lot of time to figure things out and he certainly planned on using it all, and dealing with these things as they came at him.

Judas outright grinned before he realised that that was what he was doing. He could imagine the little hands holding onto the balloons like they were the best thing Sabriel had ever seen, her eyes, the same colour as Judas’ looking in wonder. Those were the moments that pulled on the merman’s heartstrings, seeing her so happy. She was loved and wanted, she didn’t have to grow up alone, she never would. She would grow up so so loved, and he was glad that Basil loved her too. “That’s amazing. She’s learning fast.” Judas realised that time would pass way too quickly, that she’d be a teenager and he would wonder as to where the time had gone. Judas nodded. “Sounds good. You can bring them over the next time you have Sabriel?” Which would be in two weeks, like the deal they had made, but today had seemed to go well, so maybe Judas needed to worry less about the role of the vampire in Sabriel’s life. The merman chuckled at the per comment and shrugged. “Maybe. First we’d need to move out of here, this apartment doesn’t allow pets.” He says, a small smile on his lips as he took his previous position of sitting on the couch in front of the one where the male was sitting. “I think we’ll be able to move soon anyway. Somewhere with more room, cause she will certainly need it.” Right now he didn’t have enough money for it, though he was well on his way with that plan. He just wanted Sabriel to have a good life and not worry about anything, never worry about anything because Judas was willing to give her the world, and right now it didn’t matter too much if that took some time. They had time, and Judas wasn’t running, or hiding from anything or anyone, and Sabriel was growing slowly but surely, and he’d make sure that her life was the best that he could give her.

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thanks, ginny weasley from caution 2.0!

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