your voice makes me weak, rayne [rari]

Mari was completely use to getting lost when she was in a new place, she spent a few years traveling around the world but everything was such a blur. She also didn't sleep very well since her body developed the urge to be awake for when the sunset and when the sunrised, and she hated it. Her mind wasn't settling on the fact that there were other noices in the air, and probably wouldn't realize that her heart wasn't actually beating out of her chest. That was just her imagination playing on tricks on her, just like it had to think of Rayne as completely homosexual, it just wasn't her thing to judge. She really didn't have any room for it. Knowing that she could have ran into the man that walked among her favorite memories anywhere else, but she was quite surprised to see him at a park. The last time she was at a park, it was one of her many flings and got high, it was before she knew that she had a Guardian Angel.

Only one of her arms had tattooed laced around it, she felt like it was completely done and if it wasn't to anyone else, well they could suck it. She was no longer attracted to just one gender or recognized them, for that matter. She felt like everyone had the potiental to be attractive and would admit that she had a few nights with extremely attractive woman while she was on the other side of the world. Sometimes she also felt like her skin would never phase into a tan, and she also knew that tanned skin was dead skin cells. Sometimes she would wonder what would have happened, if she just handled the situation differently.. were would she be in this godforsaken place.

But running into him was bring up far too many memories for her to be able to process her surroundings, as her hazal eyes collided into eye contact with his. He looked exactly the same to her, and she was having a hard time to keep a small smile on her face. Her mother taught her manners and she also picked up a thing where she hated showing her real emotions to people, so breaking down in the middle of a park would be a new low for her. He was still just as gorgeous as ever.

Hearing her name escape those sweet lips, the soundtrack to memories causing her to smile without much control over it. "Yeah, it's me.. Mari." she answered back to him. Her hand lifted and lightly placed it on the back of her neck, rubbing it slightly while her eyes went back to the land. She really wasn't sure what she was suppose to say, and all those amount of times that she had practiced this very thing. "I know it's not much, but I..I just wanted to tell you that I was sorry for hurting you. You really didn't deserve it. I'm so so sorry." she said, voice slightly cracking while appologizing to him and the tears laced around the rim of her eyes, while she kept blinking them back. She couldn't remember removing her sunglasses, but it happened.

"So you're probably wondering why exactly I don't look fourty three, correct?" she guessed outloud, and she just wanted to hug him and feel the warmth of his familar body. "I-i.." she started to try to answer, and her eyes fell against the floor as she realized that she didn't practise this part. "I had a stalker.." she told him, it was almost as if her burn marks started to burn once more and the cuts on her back started to itch, reminding her of a far more greater nightmare. She felt like it was her fault for putting herself in that situation. She also noticed that his hand was balled up, and was already bracing herself to get hit or catch it. ..but her Rayne would never hurt her like that, he was a very feelsy guy and the very guy that made her feel safe.

PMSing was nothing compared to the transformation of becoming a Vampire, especially since she barely made it by the skin of her..fangs. It also didn't compare to the fact that of the guilt that was far more worse now that she was standing near the man that actually made her feel human. The current feelings that she was feeling wasn't the type that she particularly wanted. The depression that often occured when the guilt started to eat at her in the back of her mind, would often cause her to lash out on a victim while she was feeding. She hated that she had to relly on humans for their blood, so she hoped that whatever side won that humans would stay, because she wouldn't be able to survive.

Although, sometimes leaving this godforsaken place sounded like a good thing from time to time, but she would feel like she had unfinished business.. though she didn't believe that Vampires had the opportunity to come back in Ghost form, that was only for the Humans. Sometimes she felt like her Soul was being eaten, while the guilt picked at her. It made her feel like a volterous creature, sometimes she was disgusted by what she had become.. but the pleasures from the power she felt behind it was a perk in itself. She no longer felt like a helpless mortal, that could be plucked from existence at any point in time. If only she was able to get rid of the guilt, she would be able to stay away from Rayne.. no matter how much feelings that she had buried beneathe inside of her.

She didn't blame him for having a stalker, because she knew that type of person she was. Her hand ran through her hair when she heard him told her to shut up, it had also caused her to slightly flinch from the sudden outburst. She wasn't use to him yelling at her, count of think of it, she couldn't remember him every yelling at her. Her eyebrows furried in confusing, what happened to the feelsy guy that she forced herself to make it seem like she thought of him as a brother. She could even remember going bathing suit shopping with him, so she would be able to have a guys opinion. She teased him back then, so he would be able to be use to todays modern world. "oh..sure." she found herself replying to him, knowing that it was a lot to take in suddenly all in one day. She wasn't the type to just beat around the bush a lot, she was a the type of person that blurted it out and hoped for the best. That was.. unless it dealt with her actual feelings.

Watching him crush the cigarette in his hand, it had to have cause some form of pain and noticed that the flakes met their end on the ground. Hearing the question, and knew that he wanted to know her purpose for suddenly being in the same town as he. Logically, she understood that some people would feel like their was altermotive about the subject and knew that.. if she had stayed human, she would have been able to stay away since he appeared twenty one years old. "Why am I here?" she repeated the question, it was an old habit that she did when she was stalling because she was incrediable nervous about admitting something. She turned on her heels facing towards the horizon, "Well.. i'm here for you." she answered, luckily for her that her sunglasses were now on and the tear rolled down on the cheek away from his view.

"I've had some time to think about what I said and realized that I was scared and lashed out. I didn't know how to settle down." she started rambling, it was like word vomit but with feelings. The truth was that she never thought about him like a brother, but she had some serious commitment issues. "I'm sorry that it was because of me that you fell." she said, biting the inside of her cheek. A part of her kinda would rather have gotten hit, so she could tell him her final 'goodbye'... but she knew that her feelings would tear her up inside and she would purposely get a hunter on her tracks. It was easier to be a Vampire to be able to die then a Fallen Angel, her fingers wanted to trace the outline of his face again. She wanted to hug him, so much that it hurt.

Another part of her wished that he got another charge, then she wouldn't fucked up his chance of moving on from his Guardian Duties and he wouldn't have fallen for a mortal. This was all her fault and that's the core of her belief system.

Desprately wanted to tell him that she never thought of him like a brother and she was a scared little bitch, who ran at the thought of a commitment. Why did her first boyfriend cause her to feel like serious relationships were a terrifying thing? That was back when she didn't have Rayne to curl up to and cry her eyes out on. That was the one relationship that caused her to feel like shit and forced her mom to home-school her ever since. Her social skills tended not to be the best back then, her sentences were awkward and tended to pick up on old speak. She was not human long without him, but she spent most of time getting too drunk to remember anything and probably slept with a few people that she wouldn't be proud of. She wondered if she was a raging cunt, would she had been more resistable and less charming... or what would she be like if she never left Rayne's side. She would probably find a way so she could live forever with him, she wouldn't want to grow old and watch him be forever twenty one. She would have done something completely stupid after he fell, so she would be able to live forever with her best friend.

How many times was she apologizing to him? She honestly couldn't remember, everything was really happening to fast. Hearing Rayne snap at her and noticing how close she was, caused her to take an unvoluntary step backwards, she was confused. Rayne never snapped at her like that, and opened her mouth to speak but ended up closing it again. She was speechless by even the smallest amount of him snapping at her, what happened to my sweet, wonderful rayne? she found herself thinking. She wanted to cry, and slipped on her sunglasses to keep the fact that the rim of her eyes started to slowly fill with water. Then she heard his threat, she let out a slow breathe, "No...this is your town, i can leave.." she started and looked back up at him, "but i rather not. I'm tired of running." she added onto it. He could threaten her all he desired, but if he wanted her to leave.. she would do what he wished. She just wanted him to be happy and by the looks for everything that was going on, he hasn't been happy for a long time and she was blaming herself.

She looked away from him and attempted to sly wipe her eyes, and would blame it on allergies.. but that would have been an obvious lie. She felt very responsible for him being a mister grumpy bear, and it was only adding to the amount of guilt that she was already feeling. It was like she was being weighed down by a singular ton weight, figuritively of course. She didn't know that her reappearnace was like opening a bandaid to a wound. She just felt like she was tired of the "what if's" that she could fix by her showing up. She knew that it was a lot harder for him to die, and it was all her fault. More guilt. She felt like the glass was over-flowing in a sea of her guilty concious.

She was having a hard time not crying, and the only thing keeping her from doing so was that she wasn't in her little apartment. She had several different apartment rooms, and only got the small ones because she only did odd jobs. Her crowded throughts were interupted by his softer tone, a type of tone that once upon a time, she was use to it. She lifted her sunglasses and pulled them off of her face and held them in her hands. It was going to be used as something that she would not fidget, "If it were that simple.." she replied, while nibbling her bottom lip. Sometimes she wished she had dated a little bit more, then she would have been able to commit to one person but she was also scared that he was the one and she was only twenty three years old. She was almost started when she felt a gentle brush against her skin, causing part of her bangs to be behind her ear once more and her eyes were trained against his shoes. It had been so long since she had been touched ever-so gently, it was causing the hairs on the back of her neck to stand on end. She would be good, as long as his lips (or anything) didn't touch her neck.. that was her sweet spot. The light force on her chin caused her to look at him, he was still taller than her and she took a step forward. Listening to him while he removed his hand from her and noticed they were stuffed in his pockets, "just one thing, did you ever notice a man following me, at all?" she asked, she had been curious about that all these years and finally had a chance to go ahead and ask.

She had looked away at a bird flying by, she had heard it way before but it was like an echo to distract her from her thoughts. Her hands were balled up to keep her from hugging him, it wasn't until she felt his touch again cupping her face causing her to look at him again. She heard him, and pulled up her hands and placed them over his. "Not like I wasn't a trouble magnet back then.. we shouldn't forget that." she replied to him, with a soothing voice. Then she heard him tell her that she was lucky, which caused her to scoff, if she was lucky she would be able to be happy with her life..well undead life. "I'm a vampire, I live to suck you-your blood." she answered him, adding a small joke to lighten the mood, her fingers were intertwining with his that were still cupping her face. She could have used some vampire "voodoo"/"magic" on him, but she would never cross that line.. ever. "How can I even be lucky?" she asked him, as she took another step closer. She desprately wanted a full on hug from him, so much that it hurt.

"I've missed you, so much." she said, sheepishly but still looking deep into his eyes.. allowing him to know that she was being completely honest. She wasn't leaving this time, not unless he didn't want her to stay. She just wanted him back in her life, no matter to what degree; however, she did want to be with him in the romantic sense. "And..i'm also not leaving, i've looked for you for months now and traveled all the way here. I just hope you'll allow me back in your life..." she trailed, and adding onto it, "If you allow me too?" she had started biting her lip and was so scared that he would tell her "to go away" in the scary hurtful tone that she heard earlier. But all she wanted right now was a hug but too scared to do it herself.

Hearing him softly scold her for putting back her sunglasses on, so she would be able to control her emotions in peace. Her hazal eyes cast back up at him when she felt him removing her beloved sunglasses, and now that she wasn't going to be able to hide behind them anymore. "S-" she started to say, but shut her mouth, again. Threats didn't set well with her, no matter how big or small. She was trying her hardest to keep it together, she hated crying in public and showing everyone that she had actual human emotions. "You know I hate crying infront of people." she found herself whispering, the little one didn't enjoy feeling vunerable, more than she already was allowing herself to be. She heard him say her name while feeling his touch against her cheek, "Yes, Rayne?" she replied to him, and she listened to him apologizing to her, which caused her to give him a small nod, "It's okay, you have a lot going on and me randomly showing up, is a lot to handle. But I think you can handle it." she replied, admiting that she still had faith in him. All these years, she knew that he would have protected her against that stupid bloodsucker, if he had been there. And that was honestly, all she needed to know on that subject.

Hearing his response caused her to tilt her head slightly to the right, "I know that, dear." she found herself saying and calling him 'dear'. That was a different level of nicknames that she's used from him, she had usually refered to him as "babe" or "hon", but nothing intimate as dear. She was starting to slip in reality, and not being able to keep it in her head. She was going to have to slow down and not rush a good thing. She will never be able to age older than twenty four, so everyone will see a twenty four year old woman with a twenty one year old man.. not that it matters in society, but the reality of it was for more precious than that, since the seemingly twenty one year old was far more other than she. It didn't bother her that he was an old bat, his face would never change nor would hers, it was adding to her thread of hope. She knew that soon a few of the supernaturals would have to start moving around when the oblivious humans start picking up on the fact that they never age, and it was making her start lean towards them knowing but if she had known that Supernatural creatures exist when she was three, she would not have slept..at all.

Distracted, that was the one word that caused her to be flattered and was sure that she would have started blushing, but was trying to keep herself undercontrol. She hadn't blushed in a long time, had no reason to find herself doing it. "He must have been pretty sly, and the sterotype of Vamp." she mused, and just dropped the subject altogether. But now that her fingers were against hers, as her hands were lying on his, and it was almost a perfect feeling. She didn't know what she was doing, allowing her reaction to be pure from thy heart. She didn't want him to pull away, she wanted to continue feeling his all-too familar touch, "Maybe one day i'll learn." she replied to him, with a small smile. She knew that admiting that she missed him would trigger something and she was hoping that it would only trigger a positive reaction.

And hearing him return the phrase back at her, put her stomach at ease a bit and caused her to grin up at him. "I'm glad." the words rolling off of her tongue and out into the air. And noticed that his smile was genuine, after she had told him that she was going to stay here in Manuka with him in it. She really wouldn't want to have to track him down again, she didn't know if she had any more favors to cash in. She missed the old days of falling asleep against his chest while watching some cheesy horror movie, or when she decided that she wanted to indulage in a romantic comedy. Romance was always a touchy subject, and kept every guy that she dated at arms length and unable to pull them back; that trait never bothered her until now. She wanted to settle down with him, but she was going to have to find the right moment to allow herself to admit it to him.

Her grin had already returned to a simple smile, until she felt his arms wrapping around her abdomen, that turned her smile back into a grin. She wrapped her arms around him, but lifting her hands and lightly praced against his shoulder blades, laying her head on his chest and listened to his response to her asking him, if it was okay for her to stay. "I was just making it sure.". She just wanted to stay in that moment, letting out a sigh of relief as a few happy tears rolled down her cheek. This was really happening. She felt his cheek resting ontop of her head, she glanced up at him, "I'd invite you over, but my apartment needs to be decorated." she found herself saying, filling the air. A part of her wanted to go somewhere private with him, and another part wanted to go somewhere arm and arm, like old times.. but there was this part of her that didn't want to let go, almost feeling like it was too perfect to be a dream. "Thank you, for y'know.. everything." she whispered to him, like it was a precious secret.

Hearing him reinforce what she had already known, her eyes almost went wide when she noticed the smirk playing on his beautiful set of lips, 'damn, that's sexy.' her thoughts lead to invulentary, which caused her to bite her bottom lip. "When did you start smirking?" she mused back at him, changing the subject to something that she was pointing out that she was interested in. Somethings that she was weak towards was a gorgeous pair of eyes, sexy smirk, and rayne..oh look, rayne fit into all of those. She was starting to hope that he didn't smirk towards her, cause she might juse loose her cool and kiss him. She listened to his comment about her shouldn't be crying and that her smile was so much better, which would have caused the old mari to start blushing like mad. Even the fact that she felt his fingers pressed against the corners of her mouth causing her to "smile", which caused her to actually smile and let out a giggle, so she couldn't help but to smile at him, "you're so sweet." she admitted, for once more. And she listened to his comment about him being able to handle things, which caused to give him a soft nod, "We can talk about that, so we can catch up." she replied to him. Taking note of his reaction to the new thing that she called him, it made her nonbeating heart ping. Hearing his statement about vampires being cunning and that he wasn't the best, she shrugged her shoulders, "They are and I think you were the best." she responded to him, lifting up her hand and placing it on his check, gently rubbing her thumb against the skin of his cheek. "You might have lacked the whole brawns thing, but your strengths so much more to me." she added, in a softer tone.

Hearing his response caused her to lift one of her eyebrows, "If you must, you gotta do whatcha gotta do." she mused, but she would have to admit that it did help with the whole ego thing. But they were hugging by this point, and she kept holding him a comfortably tight. She knew that she would have had to let go of him, at some point she knew that she was going to have to let go from the hug. She heard his comment into her ear, around the same time that his cooling breathe brush against her ear and apart of her neck, sending a tingling sensation down her spine or was that apart of her imagination. "If you want to help, we can do that later." she replied to him, when he pulled back at little to look at her, causing her to look up at him. In the distance, she could hear a small child going "awww, kiss her" and wasn't sure if Rayne could hear them as she closed her eyes when he was drying away her tears. She listened to his comment about his apartment and gave him a small nod, while she felt his finger tips drawing shapes against the fabic on her back. "Then let's go there, so it won't be so lonely." she replied to him, with an excited feeling started rising within her. She heard his reponse to her thank you, "Good deal, dear." she replied to him, lightly flirting back at him.

She heard him ask permission to call her a different name, and pulled away slightly again to look up at him, "You're such a guy." she tease, not being any help at first. And then after she let out a small giggle, she decided that she probably should actually answer his question, "I don't care what you call me, whatever feels right to you.. i'll be okay with it." and gave her a small smile. She pushed herself up on her tip toes and lightly kisses the skin of his cheek before reverting back to her original height. "So, your place?.. lead the way, my Angel." she said, the my part slipped out as she was letting go, but grabbing his hand and lightly tugging to get him to move. She just wanted to sit down beside him, catch up and possibly reminisce about old times.